Demonspawn
by wolfwind
Summary: Set during Owlsight, a young girl is Chosen after being cast out by her Clan. When in trouble, will she turn to her Companion or to tradition? And what effect will her choice have on the Heraldic Circle?
1. Pursuit

Disclaimer:  I own nothing.  Mercedes Lackey owns everything.  I just write about it for fun.  

-           -           -

**Chapter 1: Pursuit**

            After a moment, Kira spared a glance over her shoulder and groaned inwardly.  Her pursuers were getting closer.  She tried to increase her pace, forcing air into her burning lungs and pushing her aching legs faster, but her body refused to accelerate.  Suddenly a hand grabbed her upper arm.  Quick as thought, Kira whirled, letting the force of the grip speed up her circling and break his hold on her.  The wall of thorns loomed up before her, and she exhaustedly stumbled into the safety of the briar thicket.  Safe … for now.

            Kira collapsed a few steps into the copse, heedless of the pain from the thorns that tore her skin.  All that mattered now was getting air into her lungs.  She lay there for a moment, chest heaving, but as soon as the burning in her lungs eased slightly, she forced herself back to her fee.  If one of the boys happened to find here there, she would be as good as dead.  Carefully, she began to push her way through the underbrush, looking for the hidden deer trail.

            "Ow!" "Ouch!" "Help!"  Kira grinned, despite the cramp in her side.  It sounded like the boys had given up looking for a path and decided to plunge straight through.  She knew from experience that such a course was very painful.  As she raced down the often-trod deer path, she thanked the gods once again for making her so small.  If she'd been any larger, she would never have fit on this trail.  As it was, her path would save her several minutes, long enough to lay a false trail for the boys and go to earth.  She mentally sorted through her nearby hideouts, trying to figure out a way to trick them and hide before they caught her or she collapsed.

            Abruptly, she broke out of the thicket into the dense forest.  She turned to her left, decision made.  Walking carefully, she left no tracks on the fallen pine needles for a ways.  When she judged she was far enough from her trail, she stopped next to a break in the bushes and grabbed a thorny branch.  She hesitated momentarily.  _Is this really necessary?_ Kira asked herself.  But she shook off the moment of weakness.  _If the boys think I got through unscathed, they really will think I'm a demon, she reminded herself.  __It's only a little pain; quit being such a baby.  Still, it seemed harder to bear self-induced pain.  Gritting her teeth, she shoved back her sleeve and raked her lower arm across the branch.  Angry red scratches joined the other cuts and abrasions that patterned her arm in various stages of healing.  The poison in the thorns hurt worse, now that she was concentrating on it.  Shaking it off, she began to run again, despite her body's protests, no longer bothering to disguise her steps.  Now she angled deeper into the woods, moving far enough into the forest that she could just barely see the thorn bushes behind her.  At last she stopped and leaned against a friendly oak.  It took her a moment to catch her breath again; she'd already been exhausted from hoeing when the boys had caught her in the open fields, and she'd had to run quite a ways to get to her hideout._

            _Stupid, lazy… How could you miss those weeds? she scolded herself.  It had meant that she'd had to do her rows twice and had missed lunch, and it was telling now.  Still, the oak was easy to shimmy up, and its broad lower branches crossed with those of the maple nearby.  Walking the branches was easy here; it was strange that she'd never seen or heard of anyone else doing it.  __Except my mother, and they called her a demon...  She shook off the pessimism.  Her mother wasn't a demon, but the Clan couldn't know that as well as she did.  They had to be careful._

            Her mind followed the familiar train of thought as quickly and easily as her feet followed the branches, despite being twenty feet in the air.  She went as swiftly as she could while making sure she didn't mark the bark to show her passage, intensifying the ache in her lungs.  Luckily, it didn't take too long to come back to the thorn bushes; she looked around to orient herself.  If she climbed down here…

            She dropped gently to the forest floor.  Reaching carefully into the bushes, she lifted a large branch to let herself in to a small hollow.  Squishing herself inside (even though she was small for twelve, it was a tight fit), she let the branch fall down in front to hide her.

            This time, she stopped panting quickly.  As her breath quieted, forest creatures began to resume their ordinary business.  It wasn't too long before a treehare trundled out in front of her.  "Little friend," she called to it, "can you help me?"

            Treehares were insatiably curious; this one came over to her immediately.  "There are predators after me," she told him.  She had long ago learned that animals wouldn't understand if she referred to them as boys, but predators made sense to them.  "Would you sit in that oak over there and move around so that they think I'm up there?  They won't hurt you."

            The fat little creature whistled agreement and waddled off.  Kira gratefully relaxed, concentrating only on slowing her breathing and her heart rate.  Gradually the aches in her body loosened, and she let her mind drift, waiting for the sound of the boys.

            When she heard their voices, she opened her eyes.  They were approaching the oak where her trail ended; she saw the branches jiggle and silently blessed the treehare.  Her pursuers arranged themselves in a circle around the tree.  For once, they actually watched the outer branches; somehow they must have figured out that she could move from tree to tree along them.  She quelled a quiver of fear; they had never seen her walking the tree road, so they couldn't be sure that that was how she'd escaped in the past.  Maybe they only thought one of them might see her if she moved.  She hoped desperately that they hadn't learned any of her tricks.  Not only would it make it harder to escape, but there was always the dread of ending up like her mother…

            "Come down, demon's brat!" one of them yelled.  Raen was a coward, but he acted tough when he was with a group.  "We've got you surrounded; don't bother trying to get away!"

            She saw the branches shake in reply and mentally blessed the treehare.  She'd have to remember to bring it some food as a reward.  The boys continued to throw taunts at where they thought she was; she tuned them out.  They knew she could climb faster and better than they could and go in branches that wouldn't hold them, so they didn't want to try to force her down physically.  Eventually, however, they realized that insulting her was not working; the only reaction they got was more leaves rustling.

            After a brief squabble, Raen was forced into the tree.  The other boys watched as he climbed around and around, hunting for her.  Kira suppressed a grin.  "She's not here!" he called in surprise at last.  "There's nothing but a scrawny treehare!  She must've gotten away!"

            "Impossible!" Darus replied, glaring up at the tree.  Kira couldn't see his face, but she could picture the expression.

            "Maybe she flew," one of the younger boys suggested.  "She's part demon, you know.  Let's go eat or we'll be late for supper."

            Darus started to protest, but the others, who were all hungry, agreed.  "Fine," Darus announced when he could get a word in.  "I'm going to look a little longer.  We'll catch her."  His voice was threatening.

            The others backed away from their leader, nodding acquiescence.  It wasn't safe to cross Darus in that mood.  Moving cautiously, they headed back toward the village.

            Darus remained.  He moved around, apparently randomly, looking for some sign of her.  As he searched, he gradually moved toward her hiding place.  Finding nothing, he seemed about to leave, when a mark on the ground suddenly caught his eye.

            _Oh, no!  A surge of fear coursed through Kira.  _I didn't wipe away my footprints when I landed!_  She drew herself deeper into the shadow of the bushes.  Now she couldn't see Darus clearly, but she heard him begin a slow and careful search of the area.  He walked around slowly, apparently looking up every tree.  All too soon, he approached the bramble she was hiding under.  He didn't crouch down and peer in, though; instead he reached an arm between the thorns and groped amid the limbs.  As his hand came closer and closer, she tensed in fear.  On the spur of the moment, she moved a branch slightly.  His hand came directly in contact with the thorns._

            "Ouch!"  He withdrew his hand swiftly.  She heard him move away.  "I'll get you yet, demon," he muttered as he left.

            Kira lay still a long time, waiting for her body to relax.  That had been far too close.  Knowing it was getting close to sunset, she had started to get up when the branches above her began to rattle.  She froze in terror for a moment, but then laughed at herself.  The furry face of the treehare poked through the brambles.

            "Checking up on me, little friend?" she chuckled.  "Thank you very much for helping me with those predators.  Could I do something for you in return?"

            She concentrated on clearing her mind and was rewarded with an image of young _yabbac_ plants.  They were very rare, but she happened to know where a patch was.  

            "I'll bring some here tomorrow.  Do you want anything else?"

            The treehare chirped negatively and turned to go.  "Thank you," she called after him.  Scrambling out from under the bush, she looked at the sun.  It had nearly set; the boys would be done with dinner.  If she could just get back to the village without running into them, she'd be safe in the women's lodge.  No boy, once he reached the age of twelve, would ever set foot in the building where the women and children ate.  It wasn't "manly."  She would be secure there, at least for the night.  As for tomorrow…  _I'll just take that as it comes, she told herself firmly.  For now, she just had to get back._

            She walked over to the main path through the thorn bushes.  Later, she wondered if her exhaustion had played tricks on her.  She went down the major path without even watching for danger.  Her mind was on food, and she wasn't really paying attention to what she was doing.  As she turned off the path, she noticed too late the odd shadow under the tree.  Jorn grabbed her before she could react, letting out a sharp whistle to call the others.  She struggled frantically and almost got loose, but he jerked her and she tripped over a root.  Before she could stand, he sat on her back so that she had no chance to get up.  As she looked wildly around, she saw that the other boys had gathered around them.

            "Well, what have you got there, Jorn?" someone asked.

            "A likkle baby demon," another boy said in a mock-child voice, raising a laugh.

            "A pretty pitiful one – look at it flop like a stranded fish."

            "Let it up, Jorn," Darus commanded.  The boy scrambled off her back.  Kira just lay there, waiting, until two of the boys lifted her roughly to her feet.  She tried to stand and gasped at the pain in her ankle.  For a moment, she just sagged limply in her captors' hands.  Darus came over and grabbed her hair, forcing her to look him in the face – not a pretty sight.

            "You thought you tricked us, demon," he hissed.  "You thought you'd made fools of us.  But no one does that.  You may have avoided us for a time, but we've got you now.

            He spit in her face.  When she tried to wipe it away, he socked her in the stomach.  She doubled over, retching.  It seemed like a signal; the whole convoy attacked her as if she were a live punching bag.  Struggling through a crack in the mass of bodies surrounding her, she tried to run, but someone caught her arm and wretched it around.  She heard a crack and screamed as pain shot up her arm.  The scream startled her captor enough that he released her, and she collapsed to the ground.  She felt a few more kicks to her ribs before she mercifully blacked out.


	2. Pain

Disclaimer:  I own nothing.  Mercedes Lackey owns everything.  I just write about it for fun.  

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**Chapter 2: Pain**

****

            Kira was prodded back to consciousness by something nudging her in the ribs.  She hissed in pain, pulling her face out of the dirt to see who was poking her.  For a moment, she wondered why the child before her seemed to have fur on its face.  Blinking rapidly, she cleared the dust from her eyes until she could see clearly.  It wasn't a child who'd awakened her, she realized at last; it was the treehare.

            "This is getting to be a habit with us, isn't it, little friend?" she said quietly, relieved that no adult had found her lazing about.  She was about to sit up, but her control over her muscles disappeared as she got the shock of her life.

            _:Kira__ hurt!: the treehare babbled.  __:You__ hurt, you call, we come.  Predators gone; we protect Kira.  You better now?:_

            Kira lay very still for a long moment.  _Did I just hear that thing speak?  Impossible!  Animals don't talk!  Am I hallucinating?_  She started to shake her head in bewilderment, but the resulting pain made her stop in mid-gesture.  _I'll just pretend everything's normal, and hopefully it'll all go away._

            "I think so …" she responded tentatively to the treehare's question.  She started to push herself up, but waves of pain shot up her left arm, and she blacked out again.

            This time she came to after only a few minutes.  The treehare was nuzzling her worriedly.  "I guess I'm not all right," she said seriously.  She'd been beaten up badly in the past, but this was far worse than normal pain.  She was afraid her arm was broken, and she didn't want to think about what that would mean.  _I'll have to do everything one-handed, so I'll be slow, and they'll punish me …  She_ cut off that train of thought immediately.  She had enough problems right now without worrying about what would happen in the future.

            The treehare was still licking her, trying to help.  As it moved around her head, it pushed a bushy plant into her face.  One of the leaves poked inside her mouth; she spat at the bitter taste, turning her head away.

            _Wait a minute. Bitter?  Kira turned her head back and tried to focus on the plant right in front of her eyes.  After a moment of squinting, she ascertained that it was indeed _rill_, as she'd suspected._

            "Thanks, little one!" she exclaimed aloud.  The treehare seemed confused, probably having no idea what he'd done, but she was too busy stripping all of the leaves off of the plant to care – or to notice that she now thought she understood the creature's feelings, as well as apparently hearing it speak.  She chewed them up, wincing at the bitter taste, and lay still for a long moment.  Fresh _rill wasn't quite as potent as it was dried, but with the amount she swallowed, it didn't take too long for the pain suffusing her body to subside to a bearable level._

            With a sigh of relief, she pushed herself into a sitting position to take stock of her wounds.  Her right ankle throbbed, probably twisted, and her ribs were definitely bruised.  It wouldn't have been worse than any other time they'd caught her, if it weren't for her arm.  Looking at it, she was almost certain it was broken.

            "Now what?" she wondered aloud.  The Priest would of course splint it – with many lectures – but her main concern was simply getting back to the Clan.  _Perhaps if I wrap it in something …_

            For the first time she was grateful that her clothes were worn-out cast-offs, too large for her petite frame.  It made it possible to get her sleeveless doeskin tunic off without jostling her arm too much.  However, it caused her enough pain that she knew there was no way she could remove her blouse and wrap it around the arm.  She bit her lip, staring blankly down as she attempted to think of a solution.

            After a moment of pondering the problem, she shrugged and slipped the tunic back on.  _:Why__?: the inquisitive treehare asked, sounding puzzled.  She was tempted to ignore the thing, which could_ not_ be talking, but in the end she decided to answer it as if it were real; after all, it had helped her earlier._

            "I'm just trying to keep my arm from moving," she explained, carefully bending her arm up close to her chest.  Removing the piece of rope she used as a belt, she tied it in place.  "Hopefully, this will immobilize it enough for me to get back."

            The treehare still had an air of confusion – despite the fact that animals shouldn't be talking to humans in the first place – but she had to get moving.  The pain was slowly returning to her body, and she had to get to the Priest and his healing herbs before she fainted again.

            "Ouch!"  As she tried to stand, Kira's ankle twisted under her once again.  It would be far too painful to walk on it all the way back to the Clan.

            _Well, if this treehare is acting intelligent, maybe it can help me.  It was a crazy idea, but no crazier than everything else that was happening.  "Can you find a strong stick almost as tall as me?" she asked it._

            It scampered off, looking glad to be doing something useful.  _Oh, great, now it has expressions?  I must be hallucinating.  I can tell their basic meaning from their actions, like anyone else, and they'll listen to me, but they do _not_ talk or broadcast human-like emotions!_  She shook her head gingerly and tried to put the whole thing out of her mind.

            It wasn't easy, since the creature immediately began talking again.  _:Right_ here, right here!:_ it chattered excitedly.  Tentatively, she crawled slowly over into the bushes after it.  But to her surprise, it had found a perfect walking stick; thanking it, she hauled herself to her feet and began the long walk back to the Clan._

            The treehare darted around her feet as she struggled along.  At first she was worried that he would trip her up, but soon the pain took up all her attention.  For a while she ached all over, but as the drug wore off, the agony centered in her arm.  She felt dizzy and had trouble staying on the path.  It took all her self-control not to drop down and weep with the pain, to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  She concentrated on one thing: the Priest and his healing herbs.  _Just make it there …_

            She didn't even realize she had reached the clearing until she nearly walked into a building.  Looking up at last, she realized that for some reason, the Center of the Clan's lodgings was filled with light, the bodies of the Clan members silhouetted against the fire.  She stood still for a long moment, trying to make her eyes focus through the haze of pain.  _That's funny,_ she thought vaguely.  _I didn't think there was a Gathering announced for tonight.  Well, it didn't matter.  The Priest, as one of the three most important people in the Clan, would surely be in the middle with the WarLeader and ClanMother.  She'd have to wait for whatever was going on to end before she'd be able to speak to him.  With a sigh, she moved forward to the outer edges of the fire lit circle to sit and wait for the end of the Gathering._

            As her eyes adjusted to the light, she realized that there was a fourth person standing beside the fire in the middle, a much smaller person.  He was talking; it took her a moment to recognize the voice and face.  With a start, she realized it was Darus.

            "… Jorn grabbed her arm, trying to keep her from falling, but we heard something snap, and he let go.  The next thing we knew, all these animals were charging at us!  All kinds of creatures, from deer to panthers to birds!  They attacked us!  When we moved back, half of them formed a ring around Kira …"

            Kira abruptly realized that he was talking about her.  Her crutch slipped from a hand suddenly gone numb, thudding against the packed earth beneath her feet.  Some of the Clansman turned to see who had caused the disturbance, disapproval etched on their faces.  When they recognized her, they froze.  The silence seemed to stretch on and on.  At last the ClanMother broke it, ordering, "Kira Wolfwind, come here."

            At these words, Kira began to quake.  A girl's truename, found by her mother in a dream after giving birth, was told to no one but the ClanMother and the girl herself.  For her truename to be spoken before everyone like that was a symbol of ultimate shame, an expression of the fact that she was no longer worthy of the divine name which had been bestowed upon her by the gods.  Her truename was not longer sacred, and her inner self had been irreparably violated.

            Kira found herself down by the fire without any conscious memory of how she had gotten there.    The ClanMother's face was devoid of expression, causing Kira to huddle away from her.  That blankness was always a sign of extreme punishment to follow.

            However, it was not the ClanMother who spoke next, but the Priest.  He moved forward to stare at her, his face a mottled purple as he pointed at her with a quivering forefinger.  "Demon!" he cried.

            Kira tried to protest, but he cut her off.  "Do not bother trying to lie, demon; you summoned the wild spirits of the forest, betraying your true nature.  Now we all know you for what you are!"

            He turned to the Clan and shouted, "We were warned by the gods long ago, when they removed her mother from our midst, but still we harbored this demonspawn!  And now the repercussions of our folly have come upon us!  She summoned the wild spirits of the forest to destroy our sons; we can only thank the gods that they were strong enough to escape!  Now we know her for what she truly is: _rkuchnentu_, a hungry ghost-devil!  We must eradicate her from our tribe, or her evil will be able to consume all of our souls!"

            Kira heard the words, but her mind could not process them.  _Rkuchnentu_?  Eradicate her?  It made no sense – at least, not until the ClanMother and WarLeader moved up to the Priest.  Her gaze was arrested by what the ClanMother carried: the Book of Life, open.  _No, they can't!  Please …_

            No god heard her plea; she wasn't even sure to whom she was directing it.  She was frozen in place by shock and terror as the WarLeader handed the Priest the ceremonial dagger he bore.  The Priest lifted it high over her Page of the Book, where all the important events of her life were recorded.  Without this record, the gods would not know her when she died, and she would be doomed to wander the earth for eternity, hopeless.  And to the Clan, from the moment it was destroyed she would cease to exist.

            In one smooth motion, the Priest slit her Page from the Book.  "Great gods, witness our deed this night!  I hereby declare that Kira Wolfwind was never part of this Clan!  No such person ever existed!  Protect us by thy might, all-powerful ones, and remove the curse of this demon from our midst!  Do not let it consume our lives and souls and send us into death before our times!"

            He let the Page drop into the conflagration before him.  For a moment, the flame-resistant material withstood the fire, but at last it began to crumple, glowing red.  Kira watched, helpless, as her life went up in smoke.  Someone had to stop this!  She wasn't a demon!  Why were they doing this to her? Kira stared helplessly at the Priest.  He was still holding the ceremonial dagger, and he glared at her in a way that made it clear that he would be more than happy to use it to fulfill his own prayer and remove her from the Clan.  But still she couldn't move.  She looked frantically around.

Seeing Trian sitting on the front row, she tried to catch her eye.  Surely her best friend, her only friend, would stop this!  For a second the older girl met her gaze; then her face hardened in mixed fear and determination.  She stared through Kira as if she wasn't even there.  Her one friend, the one who had been like a mother to her ever since her real mother died, thought she no longer existed.  She considered Kira a demon.

            Something inside her snapped.  Kira turned and ran out of the firelight, out into the night.


	3. Chosen

Disclaimer:  I own nothing.  Mercedes Lackey owns everything.  I just write about it for fun.  

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**Chapter 3: **Chosen********

            It began to rain, but Kira didn't notice, any more than she noticed the pain her arm and ankle were causing her.  All of her external senses seemed to have been cut off by the overwhelming wave of grief that washed over her.  Stumbling into the forest, she ignored the wet branches lashing her face as she pushed her way through the trees.  She didn't know where she was going; it didn't matter anyway.  Kira Wolfwind was dead.  Nothing mattered any more.  The sound of the rain beat a countermelody to the rapid thumping of her heart, washing away all sounds but those she most wished to be rid of: the sounds from her memories.  Echoes ran through her head: "She is a demon!"  "Kira Wolfwind has never existed!"  Trian's face flashed before her eyes; Trian, her only friend, her surrogate mother, was looking right through her as if she wasn't even there.  Blinded by tears, Kira ran on.

            She didn't know how long she ran.  It was all a blur of grief and pain.  Finally, she fell one last time and no longer had the strength to rise.  As she curled herself into a ball under a weeping willow, she dimly realized she was at the stream.  Shuddering from the strength of her sobs, she sat there crying for a long time.

            Hazily, she realized that the treehare was snuggling up to her, trying to comfort her.  She shoved him away.  She was unclean.  He shouldn't come near her.  She would only consume him too.  Hurt, the treehare backed off and left.

            Something was insistently shoving her back.  She turned, intending to tell the treehare to leave her alone, but the words caught in her throat when she realized that what stood behind her was not the treehare.

            It resembled the packhorses that traders sometimes had with them, but only vaguely.  Those shaggy beasts bore about as much resemblance to this creature as scrawny, half-starved wolf pups bore to a poised, powerful pack leader.  This horse's coat was pure white, shining through the rain as though luminescent, and its eyes were the endless deep blue of a perfect summer sky.  She had only enough time to notice these features before she felt herself falling into those eternally deep blue eyes.

*          *          *

            _:Yes__, at last!  After all the waiting, after all the searching, I have finally found you!  I Choose you, Kira, and you are mine and I am yours and we will never be alone again …:_

            A feeling so profound that it transcended every meaning of the word love filled Kira's heart, washing away all the grief and pain that had been consuming her.  Flinging her good arm around his neck, she wept into his mane, this time tears of joy.  It seemed an eternity that she spent caught in that endless, perfect moment.

            At last, the horse's eyes caught hold of hers again.  _:My_ poor ___Chosen__!  What have they done to you?  I can't heal you from all of these hurts alone.  Forget, my __Chosen__, forget and be at peace, until I can get you help.:_

*          *          *

            Kira shook herself, feeling as if something momentous had occurred, but she couldn't quite remember what.  She looked blearily at the horse before her.  Something was not quite normal about it … But whenever she tried to figure out what it was, the thought skittered away from her.  She closed her eyes for a moment.  Something was missing …

            _:Tie__ yourself on,: the horse ordered her.  Blinking, Kira found herself seated on its back, with no memory of how she had come to be there.  There were leather straps threaded through rings all around the saddle; using these, she tied herself in place as securely as possible.  Using only one hand hampered her abilities slightly, but not much; it was a skill all children had to master at a young age.  As soon as she had fastened herself to him, the horse began to move._

            It was incredible!  It felt like she had always imagined it would feel to fly on a cloud: unbelievably fast, but so smooth that the motion barely jostled her arm at all.  Hoofbeats pounded against the earth beneath her in a strange sort of music.  Within moments, she felt herself growing drowsy.  Although she wanted to enjoy the ride, she soon relaxed into a deep sleep.

            She awoke only when the horse came to a halt in front of a small building.  The sun was just rising; the storm that had engulfed them earlier must have blown over while she slept.  Her head and arm ached abominably, and her fingers fumbled as she tried to undo the knots, which had shrunk as they dried.

            At last she managed it.  The horse lay down so that she could get off without putting weight on her injured ankle, and she limped the few steps to the door.

            _:On__ the bottom shelf next to the door is a small bottle of painkiller,: the horse told her.  __:Drink_ it all.:__

            Kira dragged herself inside to obey.  The medicine took effect quickly; before long she was able to look around.  The room was small, with just enough space for a sleeping ledge, a hearth, and some supplies.  Her eyes were drawn to the food stored next to the fireplace; now that the pain had been dampened, she realized that she was ravenous.  Mixing oats and water for gruel took only a moment.

            _:Now__ will you come out and take care of me?: the horse requested.  She managed to follow his instructions for getting his gear off of him and grooming him before the gruel burned.  Splitting it between herself and the horse, she devoured her portion.  By that time, the painkiller was also starting to make her sleepy.  After washing the dishes blearily, she fell onto the sleeping ledge and was immediately asleep._

            _:Wake__ up,: came the gentle call in her head the next morning.  Kira returned to consciousness and barely prevented herself from screaming in pain.  Luckily, the horse had told her to put another bottle of medicine next to her head the night before; she scarcely had to move in order to drink it.  She lay still for a long moment, waiting for the pain to ease._

            At last she managed to get up, make more gruel for breakfast, and put the horse's saddle back on him.  As soon as she onto his back and tied herself on securely, he took off once again.  Almost at once, she dropped back into slumber.

            This pattern was repeated over and over again.  Kira never bothered to try to keep track of the days; all that mattered to her was drinking the painkillers for the short amounts of time she was conscious and sleeping the rest.  She never got up the energy to really try and think; somewhere deep inside she was actually grateful for that,  sensing that there was some pain lurking in the recesses of her mind, just waiting for its opportunity to break out and overwhelm her.

            After an unknown amount of time, in which she'd almost forgotten there was anything else to life than this pattern, Kira woke up while the horse was still moving.  "What's going on?" she wondered aloud, still groggy.  Just then, the horse came to the top of the low hill he'd been climbing.  The vista spread out below them took her breath away.

            A huge city was spread out in the valley, lit by thousands of lamps.  It was bigger than any settlement the mountain girl had ever seen or imagined.  "What is it?" she asked in awe.

            The horse shook his head, not answering.  He began to run down the hill.  This gate was even faster than the one he'd been using on the trip so far; it frightened her.  "Slow down!" she tried to call, but the wind whipped the words away.  In fear, she began loosening the knots that held her to the saddle.  _Surely he'll slow down once we reach the city,_ she told herself.  He did, but only slightly, and certainly not enough to make her comfortable jumping off.  Pedestrians rushed out of his way as he pelted down the streets.  Kira felt herself beginning to lose her tenuous grasp on consciousness.

*          *          *

            Aaren stretched his tall, lanky form, fingertips nearly brushing the ceiling.  He smiled down at the diminutive woman beside him, Healer Deena.  "So, teacher?  Did I pass?" he asked, knowing that their task had been an informal test, even though she hadn't said so.

            Deena grinned up at him.  "With flying colors," she replied.  "I'd say you're fully trained and ready to take care of yourself.  How are your energy levels?"

            He checked inside, at the same time rebuilding the shields he'd dropped to link with her.  "Fine.  I could go on for the rest of the night without lasting harm."

            "Maybe you could, but you won't," she warned him.  "The last thing we need is one of our strongest Healers sleeping for three days – especially now."

            He nodded soberly, knowing that she was thinking of the recent disturbances.  He looked down at the sleeping figure on the bed.  "We'd better leave him.  And _you_ need a meal and a good night's sleep for once."  He grasped her hand firmly to pull her up from her chair beside the Herald.

            "Oh, Aaren," she said, resisting his efforts.  "I can't.  Kary and Tera …"

            "…Can be looked after by the night Healers for once," he interrupted firmly.  "That's why they're here.  Come on, little mother, don't you trust Jilla?"

            "Of course I do, but …"  She sighed and gave in as he pulled on her hand again.  "All right, all right, I'm coming.  I get the impression that if I don't, you'll pick me up, carry me to my room, and lock me in."

            "I sure would," he told her honestly.  "You're more important than I am, little mother; if we can't have me sleeping for three days, we certainly can't let you do it."

She made a face.  "I hate having my own words thrown back at me."

"Come on now," Aaren wheedled.  "I bet Mero will give us some of his special honeycakes for dessert if we ask nicely."

            Deena pushed ahead of him and ran out the door, laughing.  "For Mero's honeycakes I would do anything.  Come on, let's go!"

            Joining in her laughter, he caught up with her in a few long strides.  Suddenly a shock hit his shields, so powerful that he staggered back a pace.  More pain/confusion/sorrow/fear than he had ever felt battered at his defenses.  Half unconsciously he increased his shielding until he could think clearly again.

            Deena was looking at him in alarm.  "What's wrong?"

            "Can't you feel it?" he asked.  He felt her widening her sense, and she winced as she caught the edge of that pain.  He turned and ran toward the source of the pathos, with Deena close behind.

            They reached the gate just as a startled guard opened it for a Companion, a small figure on his back, who came barreling through at high speed.  He slewed to a stop in front of the Healers.  The figure – obviously the Companion's newly-Chosen – was the source of the emotions he'd sensed.  As the Companion pulled to a halt, the girl looked around her with a confused gaze.  Then her eyes rolled back in her head and she slid off her Companion into his arms.

            Tactile contact opened such a link that he staggered and almost fell.  What had _happened_ to this poor child?  Her mind was a howling maelstrom of grief and pain, like a whirlpool sucking him in.  He floundered, loosing his grip with reality, and found Deena linking with him.  Using her strength, he fought his way out of the child's mind and put up the strongest shield he'd ever formed.  Opening his eyes, he saw concerned Healers standing around them, drawn as he had been by the child's pain.

            "Help!" he managed to gasp.  Other arms reached out to take the girl from him, flinching as they touched her and sensed what he had sensed.  They carried her inside, leaving only his teacher and the Companion.

            "Are you all right?" Deena asked, looking worried.

            "I think so.  It was just feeling that …  What happened to her?"

            "I don't know."  Deena's face was grim.  "But we'll find out."

            He took grim satisfaction from the anger in her tone.  No child should ever feel so lost and hurt.

            "Why don't you take this poor, worn-out Companion over to the Field and give him a good grooming," Deena suggested more lightly.

            Aaren had always loved horses, and since he'd come to the Collegium, any opportunity to spend time with Companions was precious to him.  He knew Deena was trying to manipulate him into relaxing, rather than trying to go help the Healers with that girl while he was so worked up, but he liked the idea too much to be bothered by it.  "Is that all right with you?" he asked the Companion beside him.

            The only response was a tired nod.  Weariness and concern for his Chosen showed in every line of the Companion's drooping figure.  Aaren smiled slightly.  "She'll be OK," he assured him.  "Come on, let's get you fixed up."


	4. Awakening

Disclaimer:  I own nothing.  Mercedes Lackey owns everything.  I just write about it for fun.  

-           -           -

**Chapter 4: Awakening**

            _"Kill her!" the Priest cried.  The Clan began to chant.  "Kill the demon!  Kill the demon!"  Kira tried to run, but she was surrounded.  A pathway opened through the chanting mob, and two lines of people moved through, carrying lighted torches.  They began a chant of their own: "Burn her!  Burn her!"_

_            As they grew closer, the leader swun her torch close to the brush piled at Kira's feet.  In the flickering light, she recognized the face of Trian, her best friend._

            Kira awoke with a start.  What was happening?  She'd been dreaming, she knew that, but she couldn't remember the nightmare.

            "So, you're back with us, are you?" said a pleasant voice above her.  Kira opened her eyes.  A smiling woman with the pale skin of a _kallis_, a Clan-less one, sat beside her.  Kira glanced around.  She didn't recognize the large room she was in.  Where was she?  Why wasn't she at home?  Dimly, she recalled riding a horse – had he brought her here?  What on earth was going on?

            "I'm sure you have lots of questions," the woman interrupted her confused thoughts.  "If you'll just tell me a few things about yourself, I'll start explaining while you eat breakfast.  I'm sure you're starving."

            Kira realized she was ravenous, but it would be incredibly impolite to say so.  "Not really," she began, but her stomach growled noisily, cutting her off.  Kira ducked her head in embarrassment, a blush staining her dark cheeks.

            The woman laughed.  "Don't try to lie to a Healer, child," she advised, still chuckling.  "You should be hungry if we did our work right.  But your meal won't get here for a moment, so let me introduce myself.  My name is Deena.  Who are you?"

            "My name is Kira," she replied.  "My Clan lives in the mountains a few days journey from the Valdemaran border."

            "Do you speak Valdemaran?" Deena asked, switching languages effortlessly.

            "A little," Kira replied, startled by the question.  "We were taught for trading."

            "Good," Deena said enigmatically, returning to Hardornen.  "Let me help you sit up.  Here comes your breakfast."

            A young woman in pale green robes carried a tray over and set it in front of Kira.  She smiled, not speaking as she bustled off to the next bed.  Kira looked down at the plate before her.  She had only expected porridge, and perhaps a little fresh fruit, but the tray held a bewildering variety.  The bread looked like it had been burned, and it had greasy yellow stuff smeared on it.  The milk tasted disgusting – what kind of goats did they keep here, anyway?  There were other things she didn't recognize, but she didn't dare try any of them, sticking to gruel and fruit.  She was still hungry when she finished it.

            "I'll get you some more porridge," Deena announced, taking the tray before Kira could protest that it wasn't necessary.  When the woman returned, it held only a larger bowl of porridge, more fruit, and some water.  Kira began to eat again, this time more slowly.

            "Now it's time for those explanations I promised you," Deena said, sitting back down.  "Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to tell you everything, but someone will explain the rest to you tomorrow.  The first thing you need to know is that you are no longer in Hardorn.  You crossed the border into Valdemar several days ago.  This is Haven, the capital city of Valdemar, and you are in the House of Healing, which adjoins the Healer's Collegium and is part of the Palace complex."

            Kira's hand froze halfway to her mouth.  _Not in Hardorn?  The capital of Valdemar?  But …  But …_  She couldn't think.  Deena continued to speak, apparently oblivious to her shocked confusion.

            "You came in two nights ago.  We Healed your arm for you – you don't need a broken arm on top of trying to adjust to a whole new culture – and let you sleep.  That's why I was so glad you know some Valdemaran.  It's going to make it a lot easier for you to get used to being here."

            Kira was far beyond mere confusion now, and her mind wasn't focusing very well.  She looked down.  Her left arm was totally normal, and she could have sworn that it was broken.  "What do you mean, you Healed my arm?" she heard herself saying.  She blushed, signing an apology for interrupting.

            Deena didn't seem to notice.  "Didn't you have Healers?" she asked Kira.

            "The Priest knew herb-lore," Kira answered, wondering what the woman meant.  "But no herb I've ever heard of could heal a broken arm in less than a month."

            "You're right, there isn't one," Deena replied.  "But if you don't know about Healing …  Well, I'll explain it to you."  She settled herself more comfortably in her seat.  "You know, I'm sure, that your body has ways to fight of disease?  If you get hurt, it can generally fix the problem by itself, over time?"

            Kira nodded, unsure where she was going with this.  Everyone knew that your totem spirit fought off evil spirits that wanted to hurt your body.  What did that have to do with anything?

            "Well, normally the body does that very slowly, because it has so many other things it has to do at the same time.  Sometimes it almost shuts down entirely so that it can concentrate on fixing whatever's wrong.  That's why you sleep a lot when you're sick.  What some people who have the talent, or Gift, can to, is to go into a trance and make the body fight off the disease or fix the problem faster than it would be able to do on its own.  When I helped Heal you, I used the strength of my body and other energy to help your body to fix your arm, so that it had enough strength to Heal it quickly and still keep you alive.  Does that make sense?"

            Kira nodded, awed.  This woman was very powerful, to be able to touch her totem spirit and use its strength consciously.  She must be like a Priest, only not as mighty because she was female.  Men were always stronger in the spirit realm.

            "All right, then I think it's time for you to go back to sleep.  Your body has to recuperate from all the work it did."  Deena helped Kira lay back down.  Within moments, Kira was deep in slumber.

*          *          *

            "Hey, Tam, wait up!" Deena called, jogging down the hallway to catch up with her friend.  Herald Tamara turned to see who was calling her.

            "Deena!" she answered, walking back.  "I was just looking for you!  My class just ended, so I've got the afternoon off.  Let's go shopping!"

            "Shopping, shopping, shopping," Deena grinned catching up.  "Is that all you ever think about?  I've got a problem  need your help with."

            "Sure," Tamara answered, beginning to walk again.  "What's up?"

            "It's the new Trainee, the one Layvan brought back.  You heard about that, didn't you?"

            "Of course I did.  Is she OK?"  
  


            "Well, we Healed her all right, but we can tell that she's blocking some memory.  If that's what she needs to do, that's fine, but those blocks tend to unravel at the worst possible moment.  We're not sure exactly what will happen when she breaks through, but we think it'll be bad.  And I don't dare pry; she's very shy, from what I could tell.  But what I need at the moment is someone to explain things to her.  She's from the mountains in Hardorn, and she hadn't even heard of Healers when she got here, let alone Heralds and Companions."

            Tamara pursed her lips.  "I see what you mean.  That does present a problem.  I can certainly explain things to her, but the whole blocked memory thing …  This really isn't a good time for that."

            "Is it ever?" Deena sighed.  "Anyway, I don't dare bother the Queen's Own with all the worries she's got, but you're a Mindspeaker …"

            "And you figure that she might let something slip that I could Hear that might help us figure out how to help her?"  Tam smiled.  "Sure, I can do that.  When do you want me?"

            "Well, she went back to sleep.  She shouldn't wake up until this evening.  So, if you still want to go shopping …"  It was Deena's turn to smile as her friend grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the door.

            "What are we waiting for?" Tamara exclaimed excitedly.  "Let's go!"


	5. The Collegium

Disclaimer:  I own nothing.  Mercedes Lackey owns everything.  I just write about it for fun.  

A/N:  Sorry about the rambling in this chapter.  I originally wrote this story for people who hadn't read the canon, so I had to try to explain Heralds and stuff.  Blah, boring junk.  But the next chapter gets better, I promise!  This chapter is dedicated to Dephanie – see, I updated!  I only need a kick J.

-           -           -

**Chapter 5: The Collegium**

            When Kira woke again, a new woman was sitting next to her bed beside Deena.  "I'm Herald Tamara, Kira," the woman in white said in Valdemaran.  "How are you?"

            "I am well, thank you," Kira replied shyly.  She hoped that she'd be able to understand everything this stranger said; she was not very confident about her Valdamaran skills.

            "I don't really speak Hardornen, so Deena's going to translate for me, OK?" Herald Tamara continued, as if she knew what Kira was thinking.  "What I'm about to tell you is very important and you really need to understand it."

            As the woman seemed to be waiting for a response, Kira finally nodded awkwardly.  What was she supposed to say?

            "I'm here to explain to you about Heralds and Companions," the Herald began, through Deena.  "Have you ever heard of Heralds?"

            Deena spoke the title in Valdamaran, rather than attempting to translate it.  Kira blushed and shook her head.  "I'm sorry; I haven't," she said softly.

            Herald Tamara smiled at her.  "No need to apologize – I didn't think you had.  I'll just start at the beginning then.  Long, long ago, a group of people was running away from and evil king and came here to Valdemar."

            "You don't have to talk down to her, Tam," Deena interjected in Valdemaran, slightly offended by such a huge over-simplification of the history of Valdemar.  "She's not stupid, after all."

            "I know that, Deena," her friend replied over-patiently.  "No Heraldic-Trainee is stupid.  I'm just trying to keep things simple.  She doesn't know our language or our culture, and she really doesn't need to be confused with all the details in the histories.  She'll have to wade through those soon enough," she finished with a grimace at the memory of her hated History classes.

            "I guess you're right," the Healer acquiesced.

            Herald Tamara continued, "Their leader was made King of Valdemar, and they lived happily for many years.  When the king began to grow old, he worried about who would follow him as Monarch.  How could he be certain that none of his descendents would be a bad King, like the one they ran away from?  He went out to pray for help.  After a long time praying, he heard something and looked up.  A pure white, blue-eyed horse-shaped being – a Companion – came up to him and Chose him.  Other Companions Chose his son and his chief Herald.  The King declared that only his heirs who were Chosen by a Companion could become the Monarch, and other people who were Chosen would be called Heralds.  You see, a Companion will only Choose someone who is pure in heart and who will work to help the Kingdom.  Heralds have many special roles to fulfill and they are the ones who keep Valdemar safe."

            She stopped and looked a Kira as if she expected some response.  Kira couldn't figure out why the Herald was telling her all of this.

            _:Because__ I Chose you, silly,: an infinitely loving voice said in her head.  Kira started in surprise.  Who was that?  __:Don't__ you remember?:_

            Suddenly, she did remember: a white horse – a Companion – coming up behind her, the voice saying _I Choose you_.  She gasped, looking up at Herald Tamara in shock.

            "I…  You can't…"

            Her voice and mind were not working properly, but the woman was smiling at her.  "Yes, Kira, you're a Herald.  Or rather, you will be one when you've finished your training.  Right now you're a Heraldic Trainee; you need to learn all kinds of things before you can do a Herald's work.  But you were Chosen because you are needed to help the Kingdom, and you and Layven will be together for the rest of your lives."

            Somehow, Kira knew without question that Layven was her Companion, and that he loved her.  _:Together__ forever,: he promised softly._

*          *          *

            Kira's head was whirling within moments of entering the Heraldic Collegium.  It was so big, first of all.  It seemed as if ten times the number of people in her Clan all lived together in one enormous building!  And it was so smooth, pure white, with everything at precise right angles… it was amazing, but also oppressive.  As she followed Herald Tamara deeper into the halls, Kira felt as if she was in the bowels of a cave.  She shivered spasmodically at the thought; she'd never liked caves.

            Trying to get her mind off of the strange building, Kira realized with a start that the Herald was speaking to her.  Guiltily, she focused on the words, grateful that the woman hadn't noticed her inattention.

            "…graduated right after Layven left to get you, so we claimed it for you, if you turned out to be a girl.  It's a nice room overlooking Companion's Field."

            As she finished speaking, Herald Tamara pushed open the door to one of the rooms lining the corridors.  Kira couldn't contain herself; she almost ran to the open window, sticking her head out to escape from the claustrophobic feel of the building.

            There was a tree directly beside her, and a patch of lawn below.  Beyond that was a fence, where a horse stood looking at her.  _No, not a horse, she corrected herself.  __A Companion._  Layven.__

            _:Most__ definitely not a horse,: he told her lightly.  She smiled, even though she didn't know whether he could see her._

            Herald Tamara came up behind her and waved as another Companion stepped up to the fence.  "That's Sontya, my Companion.  Nice of them to come out and welcome you, wasn't it?"

            Kira could only nod, still feeling slightly overwhelmed by everything that was happening.

            "Well, since we had time while you were at the Healers' tender mercies, we already got you some Grays.  They're in your wardrobe.  Grab a fresh outfit and I'll show you the bathing room.  I bet you want a bath."

            Perhaps realizing that Kira hadn't understood most of what she said, the Herald took out some clean clothes herself and beckoned.  Kira followed obediently, thinking, _Bath__?_

            _:Here__.:  Layven nudged his way further into her mind and presented her with concrete images and ideas, not bothering to rely on language.  Kira stumbled momentarily as half-seen images flashed before her eyes._

            _Ooh…  Finally, she realized that he was showing her something akin to the ritual Purifications done before Festivals at home.  Once again, she realized that Herald Tamara was speaking to her._

            "We bathe every day here.  That's new to some Trainees, but you get used to it quite quickly."

            _Yuck!  Layven laughed at her immediate mental reaction.  __:It's__ not really so bad; like she says, you'll get used to it.:_

            "Normally I would take you to see the Dean first, to find out what classes you're going to need, but we're putting you in an intensive language program for now; enough time to decide the rest of your schedule when you can understand what's going on.  For now, you'll just have Orientation and language classes – oh, and chores of course.  What do you have experience in?"

            "Umm… just normal things.  With plants and cooking and baskets and leather…"  She trailed off as her vocabulary ran out.

            "OK, then, I'll get your chore schedule while you're in the bath.  Speaking of which, here we are."

            The Herald pushed open a door and showed her around.  Kira tried to force her mind to focus, but it was difficult.  Bringing water into huge pots to wash in?  It seemed so strange.  And they heated the water!  For a moment, she had the irrational fear, born out of half-forgotten memories of old childhood stories, that the Heralds were cannibals, trying to trick her into being cooked and eaten.

            Layven's laughter rang in her mind.  _:That's_ a good one!  I don't think even the Karsites ever considered us tricky cannibals.  Don't worry, you can change the temperature of the water.:_       _

            As Herald Tamara left her alone, Kira decided to do just that.  "How?" she asked aloud, feeling slightly stupid to be talking with no one in sight.

            _:You__ don't have to talk; just think it and I'll know what you want to say,: Layven informed her.  __:Here__, like this.:  Once again, bewildering images swam in front of her eyes.  Following the half-spoken, half-shown directions, she managed to let out most of the hot water and fill it with cold._

            To her surprise, it didn't take her as long to get clean as she expected, mostly because the Valdemaran "soap" was a much more efficient cleanser than the roots she'd used at home.  It took almost as long to comb out her hair and braid it back again; she hadn't realized how long and thick it had gotten until it hung around her like a black cloud, covering her past her hips.

            Dressing in the strange new uniforms, she stepped outside of the bathing room and nearly ran into another girl outside the door.

            "Kira?" the girl asked.  At Kira's affirmative nod, she grinned.  "Perfect timing!  I'm Shandi.  Herald Tamara had to go somewhere, and she asked me to come find you and get you some food.  I'm afraid you missed dinner, but we can always get food from the pantry."

            Kira couldn't help but smile slightly at the other girl's friendly chatter.  Somehow, she felt more at ease with Shandi than she had with the other girls of her Clan.  Of course, none of them would really talk to her.  She shrugged off that negative memory and focused on Shandi's cheerful gossip.

            The pantry shocked her.  So much food, and they were just allowed to take what they wanted?  There wasn't even anyone there to make certain she didn't take more than her share.  Shandi claimed that she'd already eaten, but she'd just have a snack to keep Kira company.  The amount of food she took for her "snack" would have made a full meal by Kira's normal standards!

            _:We__ don't starve the Trainees,: Layven told her.  His tone was still full of laughter, but a tiny sense of anger lurked underneath.  Kira would have been worried, but somehow she could tell that it wasn't directed against her.  __:Eat__ up, my _Chosen___.  You're too thin.:_

            Obedient to his nudging, she went for a piece of bread, a strip of dried meat, and some vegetables that she recognized.  Slightly worried that someone would scold her for taking too much, she watched cautiously as she served herself and ate.  Shandi continued talking, and it wasn't just mindless babble, either; somehow, she seemed to know things that would put Kira at ease.  Kira found out quite a bit about how the Collegium worked during that short meal.  She felt comfortable enough to give the older girl a real happy smile when they bid one another good night.

            Closing her door behind her, Kira looked around.  _I am not sleeping in that bed,_ she told herself – and Layven – firmly.  She'd had enough of feeling like she was drowning in that bed in the Healers'.  Now that she had a choice, she was not sleeping so far off the ground, apparently enveloped in a piece of a cloud they'd tacked onto the frame.

            Pulling a blanket off of the bed, she moved back to the window and studied the tree beside it.  _This shouldn't be too hard…_

            It wasn't; it seemed to take almost no time before she was out in the Field with Layven.  For a long moment, she simply leaned against him, his support and love strengthening her after all of the confusion of the day.  But for all the strange things about this place, she already felt almost as comfortable here as she had ever felt with her Clan.  She knew that the feeling was because of Layven's presence.  With him, anywhere would feel like home.

            _:Thank__ you, love,: he told her gently.  __:I_ feel the same way about you.:__

            "Really?"  She pulled back to stare at him.  Why on earth would he need her to feel comfortable?  She was just a pitiful, worthless…

            _:None__ of that,: he told her almost sharply.  __:You__ most certainly are not pitiful or worthless.  You're… my other half.  The missing piece of me I've been waiting for.  I love you.:_

            Perhaps she could have doubted his words, but the feelings that accompanied them were undeniable.  Incredible as it seemed, he was telling the truth.  _:I__ love you too,: she told him, Mindspeaking without knowing it._

*          *          *

            It was late by the time Tamara got out of the annoying meeting she'd been dragged into, and she blinked in surprise to find Deena waiting for her in her rooms.

            "What –" she started, before remembering their earlier conversation.  "Oh, yeah, Kira!"

            "Yes, Kira," Deena said expectantly.  "Did you find out anything?"

            Tam dropped into a chair and sighed, rubbing her temples at the memory.  "She has pretty good natural shields; I couldn't get much most of the time.  And every time I did ask a question that got close to getting a response, something cut me off.  It was really weird."

            _:That__ was me,: a voice said in her head – a voice that was not her Companion.  If she hadn't been sitting, she would have collapsed in shock.  __"Layven?"  The incredulous question came out as a whisper.  Companions did, at times, Speak to someone other than their Heralds, but it was rare.  She'd certainly never thought it would happen to her!_

            _:Yes__, it's __me.__:  She was sure she heard a hint of laughter in his Mindvoice.  __:You_ were pushing too hard against my barrier.  I had to stop you.:__

            Tamara recovered enough to explain to Deena what was going on and to repeat Layven's words for her benefit.  "Your barrier?" she asked him then, surprised by his wording.

            _:Yes__.  Immediately before I Chose her, her Clan cast her out.  She was heartbroken, so I put in a block.  Unfortunately, as I'm sure you noticed, she has a very strong mind.  I can't access most of those memories, either, not without breaking the block.  All I know is that she was abused and neglected, but she always hoped that someday she'd be good enough for them to accept her.  One thing is for certain, though; when she remembers what happened – and I can't hold the barrier too much longer – she's going to have real trouble coping.  We're might have a serious problem.:_

            "Oh, no," Tamara whispered.  She caught the implications of Layven's "serious problem," and the possibility of a suicidal Trainee frightened her badly, especially right now.

            "Tam?  What is it?" Deena asked, slightly worried.  Her friend hadn't yet relayed Layven's latest announcement, but she could see that it was bad news.

            "I've got to talk to the Queen's Own, right now."  Tamara stood up.

            "Tam!  Tell me what's going on!"  Deena caught at her arm.  Normally, Tamara would have teased her level-headed friend for getting so frustrated, but now was not the time.

            "I'll tell you on the way.  Come on, let's go."


	6. Classes

**Disclaimer:**  You know the routine by now.  I own nothing – it's all Misty's.

**A/N:**  Yes, Layven is Lavan Firestorm from Brightly Burning.  Kudos, congratulations, and e-cookies to Queen's Own being such a discerning reader and picking that up!  This is a reincarnation fic, meaning that I'm exploring the boundaries of reincarnation far beyond anything Misty's attested to (so far as I know), so Kira is also Kalira reborn.  Now, wait and see what the plot bunnies can do with that…

-           -           -

**Chapter 6: Classes**

            Kira awoke to birdsong as the sun touched the horizon with color.  It was a beautiful morning, made ten times more beautiful by the loving presence of the Companion next to her.

            _:Thank__ you, love.  You're very poetic,:_ he told her, nuzzling her hair in a way that gave the impression of a hug.  She stood up to wrap her arms around his neck.  They stood still for a long moment, not bothering with words.

            _:I__ hate to have to say it,:_ Layven told her at last, _:but the dawn bell is going to ring a few minutes, so you probably want to head back to your room.:_

            _:Thank__ you,:_ Kira told him fervently – she had no desire to be late for anything on her first day here!  With one last squeeze, she released him and gathered up her blanket, shaking it out and folding it neatly.

            _:Have__ fun in class,:_ he told her with a mental grin.  She smiled back, but nervousness started to eat at her at the thought of how confusing this day was about to be.

            _:Don't__ worry,:_ Layven assured her.  _:I'll__ be with you the whole time.  You'll be fine.:_

            The reassurance helped, and she gave him one last hug.  Just then, an extremely loud bell tolled.  _:That's__ the dawn bell,:_ Layven told her unnecessarily.  _:You'd__ better hurry.:_ He didn't have to tell her twice; she ran across the Field to scurry up the tree back into her room.  She had just enough time to put the blanket away and change into a fresh uniform before a knock sounded.

            "Hi, Kira," Shandi said as she opened the door.  Then the older girl yawned.  "Oh, it's too early!"

            Kira wondered what time the girl was accustomed to getting up; among her Clan, sleeping until dawn was sleeping late.  _Maybe she just doesn't like mornings,_ she thought to herself.  "Hi," was all she said aloud.

            "Let's go to breakfast together, OK?  I feel strange, being in a new place and not knowing most people.  In my home village, I knew everyone, even the traders who only visited irregularly."

            "I feel the same way," Kira told her.  _At home, I knew who was dangerous and what I could and couldn't say or do.  Here, I have no idea._

            _:No__ one here is dangerous!:_  Layven sounded almost affronted.  _:Don't__ worry, I'll tell you if you start doing something inappropriate, but I doubt that will be a problem.:_

            She Sent him a smile of thanks, but underneath doubt still lurked.  No one was dangerous?  She decided that since he was in the form of a horse, he probably didn't know these people that well.  No one could make that sort of generalization about a group unless they didn't know any better.

            _:Trust__ me,:_ he urged her, and she knew he had caught her doubts, even if he didn't know exactly what she'd been thinking.  She would have replied, but at that very moment Shandi pushed open the door to the dining hall and any thoughts on the subject disappeared at the sight that lay on the other side.

            A huge crowd of people sat around long tables – _more of the weird Valdemaran love of right angles,_ some strange portion of her brain thought – producing enough noise to drown out a waterfall.  Seeing so many people gathered in one place was enough to make her pause in the doorway.  But when she saw that half of them were boys, she could scarcely prevent herself from turning and fleeing.

            _:What__ is it?:_ Layven asked urgently.  _:I__ don't understand why you're so upset.:_

            She fought to control her initial reaction.  _:Males__ and females eat together here?:_

            _:Yes__…:_  Layven was still confused.  _:It's__ not, like, against your religion or something to eat at the same table as men, is it?:_

            Kira had to think about that for a minute.  In all their studies of the gods, she could not remember the Priest ever saying that it was wrong for males and females to eat together.  It simply wasn't done.  _:I__ don't think so…  I think it was just custom.:_

            She felt a mental sigh of relief from Layven.  _:Are__ you all right now?:_

            _:Yes__,:_ she told him, ignoring the real reason for her fear.  Meals had always been a safe time, a time away from the physical attacks of the boys.  The girls were mostly content with simply excluding her.  Here, she didn't have that protection.  But after what Layven had said about none of these people being dangerous, she didn't want to tell him that.  It sounded like she didn't trust him.

            Their mental exchange only took a moment; Shandi was only a step or two ahead of her when Kira hurried to catch up.  Shandi lead the way over to a crowded table, where people moved aside to make room for them.

            "Hi, everybody," Shandi said with a smile.  "This is Kira, Layven's Chosen."

            "Layven's back?" a boy sitting across the table and a few seats down queried.  "I guess that means we'll be starting Orientation today."

            "Right after breakfast, Herald Tamara informed me," Shandi answered.  "Kira, that's one of our year-mates, Kaleb, and the guy sitting next to him is also our year-mate and his cousin, Tannor."

            The sandy-haired boys grinned and chorused, "Hello, Kira."

            "Hi," she answered, hoping that that was the correct response.  It seemed to be, because conversation started flowing around her.  Kira scrunched herself down in her seat and tried to eat quickly while keeping watch for any danger.  However, none came.  Every once in a while someone noticed her and addressed a comment to her, which she answered as shortly as possible.  She had no desire to be the center of attention.  But that was all that happened.  She was grateful for that.

            She finished her meal of porridge and fruit much more quickly than Shandi but remained sitting at the table, having no idea as to what to do next.  Layven kept up a running translation of the Valdamaran words she didn't know into images and concepts, and she tried to remember as much of it as she could.  She was grateful that he didn't try to push her into the conversation.

            At last Shandi and the others finished; in a seemingly rehearsed movement, they scattered from the table like a flock of birds.  In moments, it was empty.  Kira followed Shandi to their first class, the Orientation that the boy had mentioned.

            Like everything else so far, it was nothing like what Kira had expected.

            Not that she'd truly been thinking very much about what these classes would involve, but in the back of her head she'd simply assumed that they would be similar to the instruction she'd gone through with the other children of her Clan.  The instructor lectured and the students memorized.  She'd simply never considered the possibility of another way to learn.

            As they sat down in the classroom, which displayed yet again the right-angle symmetry Kira was beginning to associate with the essence of Valdemar, she studied the instructor.  Dressed in the same white uniform Herald Tamara had worn the day before, this woman presented a clear contrast.  About the only thing the two had in common was the pale _kallis_-skin of everyone she had met here.  While Herald Tamara had been young, this woman's grey hair and wrinkled face clearly showed her to be one of the oldest women Kira had ever seen.  Herald Tamara had been tall, with straight brown hair to her shoulders and bright blue eyes; this woman was only a hand's width taller than Kira and her hair covered her head in tight curls.  Despite her age, her brown eyes snapped with life, and she seemed just as energetic as Herald Tamara had been.

            "Welcome to the Collegium, Trainees," she said with a broad smile as they sat down.  "I hope you've enjoyed your bit of free time; now's when the hard work starts."

            Her year-mates grinned back at the woman; feeling out of place, Kira turned the corners of her lips up in a smile as well.

            "Well, introductions are in order.  I'm Herald Wrynne.  I grew up down by Lake Evendim, and I used to ride circuit on the Border Sectors until my old Companion got too tottery on the legs for that kind of thing."  Her eyes unfocused momentarily and her grin broadened.  "Of course, Tranil claims that it was my old age that got us retired to this post, but he's just trying to make himself feel better."

            Kaleb and Tannor laughed, and Herald Wrynne joined in.  "Get used to arguing with the pretty ponies; at some point you'll probably be able to Mindspeak them, and most of them have a sarcastic streak a mile wide."

            _:She's__ just teasing Tranil,:_ Layven told Kira, who was aghast at the thought of calling the Companions "pretty ponies."  _:He__ does get very sarcastic, as she said, so she answers him the same way. You'll hear some Heralds joke like that all the time, while others don't.   It just depends on the personalities of the Herald and Companion.:_

"Anyway," Herald Wrynne continued, "the point is that Teren got himself made Dean of the Collegium, the poor man, so they called me in to teach you kids the first things about being a Herald.  So, as soon as you all introduce yourselves, we'll get started on that."  She nodded to Shandi.  "Ladies first."

Shandi smiled at everyone.  "My name is Shandi Alder.  I'm 14.  I grew up in Errold's Grove, a small village on the very edge of Valdemar that most of you have probably never heard of.  My family owns a farm, but my sister Keisha's a Healer.  My Companion's name is Karles."  She looked questioningly at the instructor.

"Thank you, Shandi."  Herald Wrynne nodded at Kira.  "You're up."

Kira took a deep breath and tried to remember the Valdemaran introductions she'd had to learn.  She'd never really used them, and she was afraid her accent would render them unintelligible.  "Hello.  My name is Kira.  I have twelve years.  I come of Hardorn.  My – my Clan is on the mountains.  My Companion is Layven."

She sighed with relief when the Herald nodded to her and turned to the boys, who sat on Shandi's other side.  _:You__ did fine, love,:_ Layven told her supportively.  A slight smile creased her face at the warmth he exuded.

The boys' hazel eyes twinkled with mischief.  "I'm Kaleb," the one on the right said.

"I'm Tannor," his cousin, slightly taller and leaner, added.

"We're cousins."

"And we grew up here, since our parents are instructors at the Bardic Collegium."

"We were Chosen at the same time, in the middle of an outdoor concert."

"My Companion's Lianne, and his is Alphia," Tannor finished, pointing to Kaleb.

Herald Wrynne cocked an eyebrow at them.  "You're cousins?  You sound like some of the twins I've had the misfortune to know."

Both boys grinned.  "Everybody says that," Kaleb said.  "But Tannor's a year and a half older than I am.  I'm only thirteen."

"We're double cousins," Tannor continued.  "My mom is his mom's sister, and my dad is his dad's brother.  And we grew up together."

"Obviously," Herald Wrynne said with a grin.  "I hate to think the kind of mischief you two are going to be up to."  The boys exchanged looks, and Kira resolved to stay far away from them whenever possible.

_:I__ doubt you're going to be the butt of any of their pranks,:_ Layven told her, but she didn't alter her decision.

"Well, it's nice to meet you all.  Now, let's get down to business."

*          *          *

            Kira's head was whirling by the end of the class.  What kind of class was it, when the teacher and students were supposed to carry out a _conversation_ on the subject the instructor was talking about?  Beyond the format, the information on what exactly Heralds did was bewildering.  Yet again, she had to wonder why Layven had Chosen _her_, of all people.

            _:Because__ I need you,:_ Layven answered again.  _:Besides__, you're going to be a great Herald some day.:_

            Kira had trouble believing that, but she couldn't argue with him.  Her thoughts were interrupted as Herald Wrynne dismissed the rest of the class, but asked her to stay.  She flinched inwardly.  She'd been worried, all through class, about her ignorance of the customs here.  Obviously, she'd made some mistake.

            _:She's__ not going to punish you!:_  Layven's Mindvoice was aghast.  Before he could go on, Herald Wrynne began speaking.

            "I think Herald Tamara told you that you were going to have language classes, Kira," she said briskly in Hardornen.  Kira only nodded.  "Well, since I speak Hardornen fairly well, I'll be your instructor for this course as well."  She set a book down on Kira's desk.  "I'm sure your Companion is filling your head with vocabulary, so we're going to work on grammar.  That seems to be difficult for the ponies."

            Kira couldn't smile, though she thought the Herald was expecting her to.  Having such an important person talking with her privately was nerve-wracking.

            _:Calm__ down,:_ Layven advised.

            _:It's__ not that easy!:_ she snapped in response, without thinking.  Immediately, she cringed back in her chair, ashamed of having reacted so strongly and rudely.

            To her surprise, Layven did not respond angrily.  _:It's__ OK, hon,:_ he said lovingly.  _:You're__ allowed to be upset.  I hated talking to teachers one-on-one too, when… when I was younger.  But just try to relax, OK?  She won't hurt you, I promise.:_

            Kira tried to obey, concentrating fiercely on the lesson.  At the end, to her shock, Herald Wrynne told her, "You learn fast.  You'll be fluent in no time."

            Kira almost stared at her, just barely stopping herself from being so rude.  No one in her Clan would have ever said such a thing!

            _:We're__ not exactly like your Clan here,:_ Layven told her.  _:Besides__, you do learn fast.  Especially with my help…:_

            She couldn't suppress a small mental smile at his joking arrogance.  He Sent a mental grin back to her.

            "You've got lunch now, and then Weapons.  Your year-mates can show you where that is."  Herald Wrynne rose and stretched.  "And I need some lunch myself.  I'll see you tomorrow, Kira."

*          *          *

            _At least,_ Kira thought, _Shandi__ seems as confused as I am.  I'm not the only one who's totally lost._  They were standing on the edge of the training field, watching the organized chaos going on.  There were at least a dozen young people doing warm-ups and clowning around in the small area, waiting for their lessons to begin.  Tannor and Kaleb had abandoned the girls as soon as they arrived; as the children of Bards, they had trained on this field for years and knew exactly what they were doing.  Shandi and Kira, on the other hand, had no clue.

            To make matters worse, Layven wasn't there to help her.  Kira hadn't realized how much she'd come to rely on him in the course of the last twenty-four hours.  _:Rolan__ says he really has to talk to me,:_ he had told her uncertainty as lunch ended.  _:Will__ you be OK on your own for a mark or so?  I can tell him no if you want me to.:_

            _:I'll__ be fine,:_ she had assured him, and sensed his relief.

            _:If__ you need me, call really loud and I'll hear you,:_ he'd promised.  Suddenly, she was wishing she hadn't been so confident of her abilities to handle this strange new place on her own.  But she wasn't going to interrupt whatever important thing he was doing.

            At last, an adult came toward them.  This woman did not wear the white uniform that all the adults Kira had seen so far sported; instead, she was dressed in grey leather.  Kira wondered what that meant.

            "So, you're the new Trainees."  She made it a flat statement, looking them over.  It was much harder to understand Valdemaran without Layven's help, but Kira thought she had the gist of the statement.

            "I am Herald-Captain Kerowyn."  This meant nothing to Kira, but Shandi gasped, looking slightly frightened.  Apparently, this Kerowyn was well-known in Valdemar.

            "Calm down, I don't bite," she told Shandi with a brief smile.  "Now, they tell me that neither of you have any formal weapons training.  Is that correct?"

            The girls both nodded.

            "All right, then, let's check your reflexes."  Without warning, she whirled on Kira, a fist lashing out.

            Startled, Kira locked herself in place.  _What did I do wrong?_ she wondered briefly, but dismissed the question.  She was obviously being punished, and trying to dodge the blow would only get her into more trouble.  She closed her eyes and braced herself for the impact.

            Instead of hitting her face, the fist passed by, a hairsbreadth away.  Now completely confused, Kira opened her eyes again.  The Herald-Captain's face was perplexed and slightly annoyed.

            "Why didn't you dodge?" she demanded.  "I know you saw that coming."

            Kira didn't understand enough of the statement to follow its meaning.  She simply stared at Kerowyn.  The woman stared back for a moment, then said something, more to Shandi than to Kira, and turned away.

            "Are you as confused as I am?" Shandi inquired, looking puzzled.  Kira could only nod.  She had no idea what was happening.

            Suddenly, a hand grabbed Kira's shoulder.  In talking to Shandi, Kira realized with a hint of panic, she'd ceased to pay attention to the other kids on the training field.  Instinctively, Kira spun and kicked out at her attacker.  The grip on her shoulder loosened; Kira threw herself backwards, wrenching free, and rolled out of the way.  Coming to her feet, she ran for a tree.  Leaping for the lowest branch, she swung herself up and was halfway to the top before she her brain caught up with her muscles and she realized who had grabbed her: Herald-Captain Kerowyn.

            _Idiot!_ she told herself in horror.  _You just attacked the WarLeader._  The thought terrified her.  She'd never been an obedient child in the Clan's opinion, but she'd never done anything this bad.  Undoubtedly, she was in for the worst beating of her life.  She began to tremble.

            _I wish I could just stay up here,_ she thought, but she knew that she was being absurd.  Trying to avoid her rightful punishment, experience had shown her, only made things worse.  As it was, she'd probably be unconscious by the end.  If she tried to evade her chastisement, she'd have to count herself lucky if she even survived.  Slowly she climbed back down the tree and returned to stand before Kerowyn.

            "Well, you've obviously had some experience, haven't you?" the Herald-Captain said.  "Bullies at home?  We'll work on street fighting with you, since you've got some experience, and probably knife work as well."

            Kira stared blankly up at the woman.  The words didn't make any sense.  She wished that Kerowyn would just get it over with.  Waiting for a beating was almost as bad as the pain itself.  The tremors shaking her body grew more powerful as she remembered what had happened when she had been rude to the Priest, two moons ago.  This would be much, much worse.  She fought to hold herself still and expressionless.

            Suddenly an arm wrapped around her shoulders.  "Leave her alone, Herald-Captain!" Shandi ordered.  "Can't you see she's upset?"

            "What's wrong?" Kerowyn asked sharply.

            Layven abruptly came alive in Kira's head.  _:What__ happened?:_ he demanded, worried.  _:I__ knew I shouldn't have left!  What's the matter?:_  In an instant, he seemed to acquire a knowledge of the previous events.  _:Oh__, Kira…:_  His voice was sympathetic, and he Sent her a mental hug that was far more comforting than Shandi's physical one.  She relaxed into his mental embrace.

            _:It's__ not like that here,:_ he told her after a moment.  _:We__ don't beat Trainees, no matter what.  And you were _supposed_ to do that; she wanted to see if you know anything about fighting and how you respond reflexively to an attacker.:_

            _:But__…:_  She couldn't manage to get out more than that single word.  There was no way to express, even in Mindspeech, how strange and alien such an idea was.  She couldn't get her mind to accept it.

            Before Layven could go on, Shandi and Kerowyn had maneuvered Kira's trembling body over to a bench and sat her down.  "What's the matter?" Shandi asked, feeling Kira relax slightly.  "What happened?"

            "I am sorry," she apologized, blushing hotly as she realized that she had totally ruined the beginning of the class.  "It is well now."

            _:Don't__ lie,:_ Layven advised, just as the Herald-Captain fixed her with a gimlet glare.

            "I know there was something wrong," she told Kira flatly, leaving no room for disagreement.  "Now tell us what it was.  Would you have gotten in trouble at home for doing that?"

            Kira nodded reluctantly.  She didn't realize that she was running her fingers along the scar on her cheek until Shandi caught her hand.

            "What's that?" she asked.  The scar had faded until it was scarcely noticeable against Kira's dark skin.  Apparently, Shandi hadn't seen it before.

            "That's from a whip," Kerowyn said, her voice harsh, before Kira could frame an appropriate response.  "And you nearly lost that eye to it.  How did that happen?"

            "It was my fault, Herald-Captain.  I moved," she admitted, hanging her head in shame.

            "You were being whipped, and when you jerked away, it hit your face."  Kira couldn't read the Herald-Captain's tone of voice.  She simply nodded.

            Shandi looked horrified.  "Whipping a child…  That – that's barbaric!"

            Kira was startled into glancing at her, surprised by her reaction.  These Valdemarans seemed stranger every minute.  How did they punish people here?

            _:Generally__ simply by a loss of privileges,:_ Layven told her.  She caught an undercurrent of bitterness against her Clan in his Mindvoice, but he was suppressing it.  _:Extra__ work to do, less free time, that sort of thing.  We would _never_ beat a Trainee.:_

            Kira didn't try to think of a reply to that.  Her head was already whirling enough.  Instead she snuck a glance at the Herald-Captain.

Kerowyn was rubbing her temples.  "Why me?" she wondered under her breath.  She opened her eyes and faced Kira.  "Look, I know many of our customs are unfamiliar to you, but trust me on this.  You will never be punished for doing what I tell you to do, even if that's sparring with me.  On this field, if someone attacks you, your goal is to defend yourself, and you will not get in trouble for it.  And no matter what, we do _not_ whip people here.  Can you accept that?"

"Yes, Herald-Captain," Kira responded obediently.  She did her best to hide her confusion.  If the Herald-Captain wanted her to believe that, then she would try to do so.  Resolutely, she put everything else out of her mind.

For a moment, it looked as though Kerowyn was going to say something else, but she stood up and moved back into the open.  "All right, then, let's get started."

-           -           -

**A/N:**  Yay, that's pretty much the end of the boring description-of-the-Collegium chapters.  Next chapter things get interesting again.  Hee hee hee.  Why do I love torturing my characters so much?  I'm not sure, but you can all wait and see what bad things I can heap upon Kira next.  Poor kid.  I hope to put up Chapter Seven within the next week.  If I don't feel, free to send me evil threatening e-mails.

And I decided to do Review Responses.  Just because other people do them and I don't.  So I'll start at the most recent and work backwards.

**Dephanie**:  Thanks for all of the reviews!  I'm working on yours, I promise!  I especially appreciate the advice on describing people.  I tried to do that better in this chapter, but I don't have all of the books handy, so I can't describe Shandi or Cap'n Kero.  If anyone has Owlsight and wants to tell me how Misty described them, I'd appreciate it!  Thank you so much for all of the compliments.  I'm working on developing my skill in writing humor; that's something I really admire in your work.  Hopefully now that I'm done with this chapter, which I don't like too much, the next few will go up faster!

**aeslynn**:  Thanks for the compliment!  I do plan to continue; I just get unmotivated periodically.  As I mentioned above, threats and nagging tend to get me moving again.  But the next few should go up fast.

**Yami Bite Yumi Me Chan**: Thanks!  I love reviews; they tell me that people are actually reading it.

**OCEANMATE**: Here it is, at long last!  I swear the next ones will be faster!  Sorry for the delay!

**wizard116**:  Thanks, I plan to!  And more quickly in the future!

**Queen's Own**:  Yay for you!  You were the first to realize who Layven was (discounting Dephanie, who knew from the beginning because I told her).  Congratulations!  And thanks!

**Hawk Sister**:  I've never read anything by Jean Auel, but now I want to.  This story reminds me of Talia, too, but I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible.  Her Clan lives in the middle of a nearly impassable mountain range; very few people bother going in there.  As far as I can tell, they were a Northern barbarian Clan that wandered down a very long time ago, and their ideas just got weirder as they lived in isolation.  They're an interesting bunch, that's for certain.  I'm just glad Kira got out of there.

**Kathleen McCrory**: Thank you!  I do plan to continue, even if you couldn't tell because of the delay.  The next chapter should be up within a week, though

**Terryie**:  Since Kira didn't know his name, I didn't tell the readers either.  It was logical in my mind, but I'm going to reread it and see whether I want to introduce his name earlier, or leave it for a while.

Yay for all of my reviewers!  *hands out microwave popcorn*  Please come again!


	7. Memories

Disclaimer:  I own nothing.  Do you hear?  NOTHING!  All hail the great Mercedes Lackey, who owns it all.  *bows humbly at the great author's feet*

-           -           -

**Chapter 7: Memories**

            Shandi grinned as Siera turned to Kira, who was eating her lunch quickly and apparently paying no attention to the conversation going on around her.

            "So, Kira, what's your home like?" her tall, redheaded friend queried, trying to sound casual.  Kira glanced up at her, not quite meeting Siera's lively green eyes, before dropping her gaze back to her plate – a typical reaction, they had all learned in the past week.

            "Hot, like here," Kira replied.  Shandi almost laughed at the frustration evident on Siera's pretty face.

            One of the other Trainees at their table groaned.  "It is _far_ too hot here," she complained.  "At home, if it ever got this hot, we'd spend all our time in the water, not in weapons' practice!"

            "I thought I was going to die out there yesterday," another girl agreed.  "And today's going to be even worse."

            As the discussion – or complaints – continued, Kira finished her vegetables, of which she ate an inordinate amount, and drifted away from the table so quietly that Shandi wouldn't have noticed if she hadn't been sitting right next to her.  Shandi waited until the girl had left the crowded dining hall before grinning mockingly across the table at Siera.

            "If we were all quiet, I'm sure she'd feel pressured into saying something more," her volatile friend growled, glaring down the table indiscriminately.

            "But who's going to cooperate and let you win all that money?" Shandi teased.  Siera had been the one to start the bet that she would be the first to get Kira to say ten consecutive words, but it had spread to most of the Collegium in the past week.  Now, Shandi knew, the wagers had quite a bit of money hanging on them, even though as Kira's best friend, she was banned from taking part.

            _Best friend indeed,_ she thought with a touch of exasperation.  _That means I get seven words out of her instead of three; not very impressive at all._  It bothered her; she'd been able to make friends with just about everyone she'd met, until now.

            Siera was practically grinding her teeth in frustration.  "Why doesn't she talk?  She doesn't know about the bet, does she?"

            "I don't think so," Shandi replied, although she had no idea how she'd be able to tell if Kira did know.

            "She never talks in class unless the teachers force her to, she eats twice as fast as the rest of us, and any other time she just disappears!  She never hangs out with anyone! Where does she go all the time?"

            "I'm going to find out," Kaleb announced from his seat beside Siera.  He grabbed a last piece of bread and stood.  "Maybe she'll talk to me and I'll win the bet."

            He only grinned under Siera's glare.  Shandi simply smiled at him.  "Good luck – you'll need it.  _If_ you can find her, she'll probably be just as quiet as always."

            "It's worth a try," he shrugged.  "Anyway, it's better than sitting here and listening to you girls babble."  His eyes twinkled at Siera's offended reaction.  He turned away.  "See you at Weapons."

*          *          *

            _Where did she go?_  Kaleb's flippant attitude had given way to frustration resembling Siera's.  He'd taken tracking classes as a Blue; they'd been one of his favorite electives.  He shouldn't have been able to loose her so easily!

            He closed his eyes momentarily to retrace what had happened.  _I thought she was coming out to Companion's Field, so I took a short cut.  I saw her just coming into these trees – here, I'm sure of it.  Then I stopped to say Hi to Alphia, and when I looked up, she was gone.  No problem.  I should be able to track her from where I saw her last.  So why can't I?_

            As he opened his eyes and looked about once more for any marks of her passage, he hated to admit the obvious answer.  _She's better at hiding her tracks than I am at finding them.  Tannor's going to tease me to death._

            He straightened and tried to decide what to do next.  If he went back and told everyone what had happened, he'd be teased immensely.  But he couldn't just lie and say that he and Kira had talked … or could he?

            _If I say she said something she never said, she'll have to speak up and contradict me.  Maybe that would be a way to win the bet!_

            Or maybe not.  He really didn't understand Kira; the girl was a total enigma to him.  Why was she so quiet all of the time?  He'd been told, often enough, that it would require a gag to shut him up for half a mark.  He couldn't figure why anyone wouldn't talk.  That was another reason he wanted to speak with her; it would be nice to understand something about why she acted the way she did.

            But it looked like it wasn't likely to happen today.  With a sigh, he turned back toward the Collegium.

*          *          *

            Kira watched carefully from her vantage point above Kaleb.  She was not in the tree she'd initially climbed, of course, but she'd uncharacteristically stayed close enough that she could see what he was doing.  She wasn't too worried about being seen; she'd learned, early enough, that boys rarely looked up.  And the pine's thick branches were enough to shield her from a casual glance.

            As he wandered around, she wondered once again what she was doing up there.  Why hadn't she just taken the tree road far away and relaxed?

            The answer was in the big white patch she could just see through the screening trees.  When she'd complained to Layven the other day about everyone always talking to her – setting her up to bear the brunt of a joke or insult, the way her Clan had – they'd come close to having an argument.  Once again, he'd insisted that _no one_ here would act that way.  She found that impossible to believe.  She had her whole life as evidence against it.

            And yet, it was Layven, who she trusted more than any being on the planet, who told her this.  So today, when she realized that someone was following her, she'd hung around to see what he'd do, rather than taking off.  If she proved to Layven that not every Trainee could be as perfect as he said, maybe he'd stop nagging her.

            _:And__ if I prove to you that they don't really want to hurt you?:_

            She didn't want to try to answer that question.

            _:He__ doesn't, you know.  Climb down and see.:_

            Kira exerted stern control on her thoughts to keep from shouting, _Are you insane?_  Other than being alone, Kaleb was acting exactly like any boy she had ever known who was looking for amusement, and she had no desire to be that amusement, whatever Layven said.

            _:I__ swear, I won't let him touch you.:_  Layven's Mindvoice was fierce.  _:I__ would pound him into paste before I would let him lay a finger on you.  There are reasons I'm shaped like a horse, love; you don't want to be on the receiving end of a Companion's anger.:_

            That was actually rather convincing; as overtones to that statement, Kira received impressions of exactly what Companions had done to people who had hurt their Chosen in the past.  It wasn't pretty.

            _:Please__?:_ Layven wheedled.  _:Just__ try it.  I'll be right behind you.:_

            The unconditional love she sensed from him was enough to make her want to do anything he asked.  _:All__ right,:_ she acquiesced, still a little fearful.  Careful not to make a sound, she swung herself down the pine and dropped lightly to the ground behind Kaleb.

            As she landed, he sighed and turned around.

*          *          *

            Kaleb's mind stopped functioning momentarily when he saw Kira staring him in the face.  _What the…  How in…  Where on earth did she come from?_

            He stared at her blankly for a long moment.  She simply stood there silently.  At last he recollected his thoughts and blurted, "Um, hi, Kira."

            "Hi."  Her voice was flat.  She reached out to lay an arm across the withers of the Companion who paced up to stand beside her.

            Kaleb tried frantically to remember Kira's Companion's name.  "Hello, err, Layven?"  A regal nod informed him that he had guessed correctly.  He reached out for his own Companion.  "This is Alphia."

            "Hello, Alphia," Kira greeted.  The two Companions shared a long look, and Kaleb wondered what they were discussing.  He wished that he could Mindspeak Alphia, but their bond wasn't tight enough yet.  All he could sense was vague feelings when they were very close together.

            Another awkward silence descended.  Kaleb, feeling tongue-tied, an unusual sensation for him, wondered why on earth he had wanted to talk to her alone.  It was impossible to carry on a conversation when only one person interacted.

            Well, maybe not.  He'd been told often enough that he could talk someone's ear off.  Maybe he should just start talking and see what happened.

            "How are you liking the Collegium?  I'm really enjoying it, but then, I basically grew up here.  And my parents are right here, so I can see them often.  It must be harder for you.  I bet you miss your mom."

            Kira didn't want him to go on about that.  "She's dead," she informed him flatly, willing him to simply change the subject.

            He looked horrified.  "Oh, I'm sorry!  What a stupid thing to say.  I'm so sorry."

            The sympathy in his eyes was coming too close to opening up the secret memories she had of her mother, the few things she remembered from the three years they'd been together.  She didn't want to remember, not now; she couldn't or she'd be distracted from watching him.  "She was _kallis_," she told him, closing the subject.

            Unfortunately, he didn't seem to realize that.  "_Kallis_?  What's that?"

            Kira cursed herself.  She'd forgotten that he was _kallis_ as well and wouldn't understand the Clan's way of ignoring those who were not of themselves.  How was she supposed to explain this?  It wasn't worth it. 

            _:The__ Valdemaran phrase is "Never mind,":_ Layven told her.  _:It__ means that whatever you were saying wasn't important and isn't worth talking about anymore.:_

            "Never mind," she repeated obediently.  She could tell that Kaleb was still curious, but the bell's toll interrupted him before he could continue asking her or change the subject.

            "Oh, no!  Weapons!" Kaleb cried.  "We'd better hurry or we'll be late!"

            _:I'll__ give you a lift,:_ Layven offered.  Instantly, Kira swung herself up onto his back.  Kaleb and Alphia mimicked them.  As soon as the Trainees were settled, the Companions broke into a gallop.

            Kira clung on tightly, fearing and loving the sensation at the same time.  It was over far too quickly; it took next to no time for the Companions to bring them up to the Salle.  Kira and Kaleb scrambled down to meet their class, just in time.  To Kira's relief, there was no opportunity for further conversation.

*          *          *

            _:I'll__ never understand Valdemarans,:_ Kira informed Layven as she got out of her bath after Weapons.  The girls around her were all soaking in tubs of steaming hot water and didn't look like they planned to move for the next century.  The thought of being immersed in anything at that temperature made Kira shudder.  She kept to her tradition of quick baths in cool water.  It was enough to get the dirt and sweat off, and it left her more time to work – and to be with Layven.

            _:Maybe__ it's something you have to grow up with,:_ Layven offered.  _:It__ makes sense to me, but then, I'm Valdemaran.:_

            Kira shook her head as she pulled on her uniform.  _:I've__ simply given up.  I'm not going to bother trying to figure them out anymore,:_ she insisted as she rebraided her hair.

            _:Like__ Kaleb?:_ Layven inquired, with a hint of smugness to his tone.

            Kira sighed mentally.  _:All__ right, he didn't attack me… but that doesn't prove anything!  It could've just been because I surprised him, or because he didn't have anyone to back him up.:_

            She sensed Layven shaking his head as she headed for her room.  _:Whatever__.:_

            Grateful that he'd stopped trying to convince her that everyone here simply wanted to be her best friend, she went to her desk to gather up her books.

            _Let's see, I have to read 10 pages out of this, write a…_

            Her thoughts were interrupted by the deep tones of a bell.  She dropped the books, clutching her head in her hands at the physical force of the sound.  _Death…  Death…_ the bell tolled, the deep noise making the whole building vibrate.

            _Herald Wrynne_, she sensed faintly from Layven.  He seemed far away from her; she realized that he had drawn closer to the other Companions in their mutual grief.

            The bell's peals echoed through her mind.  A kaleidoscope of memories played in her head: Herald Wrynne, teaching her, patiently, explaining things when she would have expected anyone to give up in frustration, praising her when she least expected it.  Somehow the memories mixed with those of her mother, and she wept, as she had not since she was a child.

            _It's my fault._  The thought, crystallized out of the swirl of memory, seemed to come out of nowhere.  Why?  She struggled to understand what made her so certain.  Abruptly, she realized that she did not want to understand, that it would be painful, but it was too late.  She pushed through to the memory that had lain buried for the past few weeks.

            This pain was far, far worse than that inspired by her memories and the bell; it drove her to her knees.  _Rkuchnentu_?  How could it be?  And yet she knew it was true.  She was a hungry ghost-devil, and she had killed Herald Wrynne.  Her evil had consumed the Herald's life force, devouring her spirit until she could no longer survive.  She huddled on the ground in torment.  How could she have done this?

            _:Kira__?:_  Layven's voice was faint, but she could hear his worry.  Instinctively, she shoved him away, made stronger by her grief.  In that instant, she realized what she had to do.

            _I won't kill him too_.  It was hard – she loved him more than she had ever thought possible – but she had to keep him away from her.  The alternative was too terrible to contemplate.

            Not knowing what to do, she followed her instincts.  In her mind, she built a wall between them, stone by stone, focusing only on the individual rocks.  It hurt like nothing she had ever imagined.  Ever since she'd met him, she'd realized how much she needed him.  She relied only on him; he was everything to her.  And now she was cutting herself off from the strength that kept her going.  The temptation to give up, to allow him to touch her mind and comfort her, was overwhelming, but she resisted.  With all the power of her love for him, she cut the ties that bound them.

            She didn't know how long she laid long the floor, caught in the anguishing mental battle.  At long last, her awareness returned to her body.  She felt hollow, empty, but at least she was numbed to the pain.  It made it harder to think, but it also made it possible for her to go on.  As she struggled to her feet, she realized dimly that there was one more thing she had to do, if she could only remember what it was …

            Leave.  That was it.  She had to go away.  If she remained at the Collegium, she would kill all of them.  She might be _rkuchnentu_, but she had no desire to kill all of these people.  She couldn't stay and let them die.

            She forced herself to her feet, almost staggering as she exited the room.  She concentrated only on putting one foot in front of the other.  She had no destination; she was only trying to get away.  Hazily, she thought that if she got somewhere with no people, she could live without hurting anyone else.  For now, she just had to leave, to save them all.

*          *          *

            Shandi had just gotten out of the tub when the Death Bell rang.  The older Trainees explained to her what it meant as they joined the Heralds in Companion's Field.

            She stood alone, feeling numb.  The idea that one of her teachers had died was not penetrating her brain very well.  She was caught up in the heavy blanket of grief covering the crowd, unable to think clearly.

            At last she decided to move away from the center of the Field, where the sorrow was getting oppressive.  Without thinking about it, she walked toward the front of the Collegium, near the outer gate.  In the distance she saw a figure moving slowly across the lawn.  Something was wrong; she had no idea how she knew, but the certainty penetrated her soul.  She broke into a run toward the other person.

            "Kira!" she cried in surprise when she recognized the figure.  Kira didn't respond; she didn't even seem to have heard the call.

            Shandi moved up beside her, the sense of something horribly _not-right_ growing.  She grabbed her friend's arm.  "Kira!  What's the matter?"

            She fell back a page as Kira turned to face her.  Her friend's grey-blue eyes were lifeless, completely blank.  "Let me go," she said in an expressionless voice.

            Without knowing why, Shandi tightened her grip.  "No.  Stop a minute and tell me what's wrong.  Let me help."

            For a moment, something flickered in Kira's eyes.  Was it hope?  Shandi couldn't tell; it was immediately replaced by fear.  "_Leave me alone!_"

            Kira wrenched free of her hold, but Shandi had expected that.  Hooking her foot around her friend's ankle, she tripped her, sending her flat on her face.  "I'm not letting you go until you tell me what's wrong!"

            They struggled for several minutes.  Shandi was sure now that something was terribly awry; beyond everything else, she could never have managed to hold her friend back if she had been fighting with her usual skill.  At last, however, something within Kira snapped.  "_I can't!_" she screamed, sending Shandi stumbling back with the force of her self-loathing.  With a single blow, she knocked the older girl unconscious.

            For a moment, Kira stood still, swaying, looking down at her friend.  "I'm sorry…" she whispered.  But the urge to leave still held her.  She turned and half-ran, half-staggered away.

*          *          *

            It took Talia far too long to recognize the inordinate amount of grief she sensed.  She had surrounded herself with those of Wrynne's closest friends who were at the Collegium, helping them through the grief, fear, and self-recrimination the death of a loved one caused.  It hadn't taken too long, but she was already tired when she realized that she was sensing more sorrow, pain that was not being eased.  It took her a moment to realize that it was not simply coming from the Heralds surrounding her, but someone farther away.  As she cast about with her Gift to find the sufferer, she was startled by the wave of suicidal despair that hit her.  Who could be feeling that way, and why hadn't she sensed it before?  Shaking her head to clear it as she strengthened her shields slightly, she moved to the outskirts of the crowd, following the sensation of pain to its source.

            As she moved back toward the Collegium, the feeling began to dwindle into the distance.  Cursing under her breath, she moved into a run.  Intent upon what her Empathic Gift was telling her, she almost stumbled over the Trainee lying on the ground.

            Stopping, she bent over the girl – _Shandi_, she remembered the name vaguely.  She stirred, a hand rising to the bruise just beginning to form on her jaw.  She rubbed her eyes and opened them, then sat upright in surprise at seeing the Queen's Own crouched beside her.

            "What happened?" Talia asked urgently.

            Shandi shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut, in an attempt to clear it.  Suddenly her eyes flew open again.  "Kira!  Where did she go?"

            "Kira?"  Talia groaned.  She'd been told when the girl arrived that she was going to need to be there for her, but the Council had been going crazy the past week and there just hadn't been a good time…  _I should have _made_ time,_ she told herself, but it was too late now.  She'd thought that there would be plenty of time when Layven's block started to dissolve.  Apparently, she'd thought wrong.  Now it looked like it might be too late.

            "What happened?" she asked the Trainee again.

            "I saw Kira walking this way, and I ran to catch up with her.  She was… weird.  She looked," Shandi gulped, "like a zombie.  She didn't even notice me when I called to her.  I could tell something was wrong.  I tried to make her stop, to make her tell me what was going on, but she wouldn't.  Then," she fingered the bruise again, "I guess she knocked me down so she could get away."

            Talia closed her eyes momentarily.  Now what?  Well, they had to find Kira, first of all.  Worry about the rest later.  She reached out for Rolan, but he scarcely paid any attention to her.  Frowning, she settled herself into a light trance and reached out again.  The shock of what she saw through his eyes drove her back to awareness at once.  A berserk Companion?  Was that possible?  The Companion – she assumed it was Kira's Companion, Layven – was frantic, running around wildly.  The other Companions were surrounding him, trying to force him to calm down and tell them what was going on.

            "What's wrong?"  Shandi's voice broke Talia's concentration.

            "We have to find her."  Talia's voice was firm, betraying no hint of her inner confusion.  She rose to her feet.

            Shandi scrambled up beside her.  "Can I help?  She's my friend," she added defensively when Talia looked at her questioningly.  "I have to do _something_."

            Talia nodded.  "Come on, then."

            Suddenly, the Queen's Own froze.  Shandi looked up at her, worried.  "Now what?"

            Talia looked around anxiously.  "I – how can this be?  It's gone!"

            "What?" Shandi demanded impatiently.

            "I could sense her."  Talia glanced at the girl.  "My Gift is Empathy.  I could sense her, because she was so upset.  But now it's gone!  As if she suddenly learned how to shield…"  She turned to run back to the Field, Shandi close on her heels.

-           -           -

A/N:  Wow, two chapters in three days!  This is an attempt to make up for not posting for so long.  I'm really sorry about that, but this next part should go faster.  I enjoy torturing Kira more than writing about her everyday life.  Next chapter introduces the Bad Guy of the story.

Reviewer Responses:

Dephanie:  Thanks for all of the compliments!  Don't worry, I'm not as bad as Kira at disbelieving compliments.  I believe some of them, at least.  And I appreciate all of them, even the ones I don't believe.  I hope this one is longer, too.  I tried.  And I hope we can talk soon and you can tell me what they're supposed to look like.

faeborn2930:  Yes, Kira and Layven are Kalira and Lavan from Brightly Burning, and I made the names similar so that readers would realize that.  It will play a big role later in the story.

badgerwolf:  Glad you liked Cap'n Kero!  I have trouble writing her, so I'm glad you thought it was in character.  I plan to make this story happier than their last lives, too.  I always cry in Brightly Burning, and I don't want to make this story that way.  Hopefully, everything will work out for them.

PrettyKittyOreo:  Here you go!

wizard116:  You didn't have to wait too long this time!  Thank Dephanie, my personal nagger.

katkitten:  Thanks!  I'm trying to make it original, but I'm not sure how well I'm succeeding.  Hopefully it'll get better as we meet the real dangers and evil characters of this story.  Next chapter!__


	8. Mental Torment

Disclaimer:  Layven and Kira just happen to have taken up residence in my head.  I don't own anything; Mercedes Lackey does.

-           -           -

**Chapter 8: Mental Torment**

            _:Layven__, STOP!:_  The power in that mental voice pierced the Companion's frantic mind and jarred all thought and movement to a bone-wrenching halt.

            Rolan paced forward to stare into his eyes.  _:We__ cannot help you when you act this way, Layven,:_ he said slowly, each word heavy with mental force to keep Layven from returning to his berserk state.  _:Tell__ us what happened.:_

            The response came in a mental scream, the anguish it conveyed strong enough that some of the Companions stumbled back from it.  _:She's__ trying to break our bond!:_

            Rolan lowered his head.  He'd hoped that there might be some other reason for Layven's behavior, but he'd been afraid all along that this was the cause.  A Companion repudiating her Herald and breaking their bond had happened only once in the history of Valdemar; the Chosen rejecting the Companion was just as rare.  The bond was too powerful and life-altering for anyone to give it up without serious reason.  And Rolan had seen what he didn't think anyone else had yet noticed: the bond between Layven and Kira was not just a normal Herald-Companion bond – they were lifebonded.

            _She will kill him._  The thought was not without anger; the Grove-born could scarcely bear to see this happen to one of his Companions, and the girl was an easy target.  But he knew that it must be as hard on her as it was on Layven, and that knowledge forced anger to take second place to confusion.  Why had she done this?  Why, when she had to be in as much pain as her Companion, wasn't she back here, trying to fix it?  _:Why__?:_

            _:I__ don't know!:_  The mental wail caused even Rolan to shudder from the force of Layven's emotions.  _:She__ heard the __Bell__ and then she just… left!:_

            Rolan hated himself for what he had to say next, but he said it anyway.  _:Layven__…  The __Chosen__ must be willing, or it is no Choice.:_

            Predictably, Layven exploded.  _:NO__!:_  He coupled the mental shout with a physical one that pinned the surrounding Companions' ears back.  He stared at the Grove-born with aggression written in every line of his body.  _:I__ am not giving her up!:_

            As Monarch's Own Companion, Rolan was capable of surviving the breaking of his bond to his Herald, but for Layven, especially since he was lifebonded to Kira, that was not possible.  He would die of heartbreak before too long.  As the only one in the Field who had been through the loss of his Chosen, Rolan had some idea of the pain Layven was experiencing, but in his mind, the other Companion would only make it harder on himself if he held on to hope after his Chosen had definitively decided to leave.  He knew that he wouldn't be heeded, but he tried to warn Layven nonetheless.  _:By__ denying it, you are only allowing yourself to be hurt worse.:_

            At least it broke Layven from his maniacal depression.  Now he was furious, advancing on the Grove-born with teeth bared.  _:She__ is my __Chosen__, and she is hurting, and I am not going to leave her!:_

            Rolan sighed.  _:It__ is your choice.:_

            _:Yes__,:_ Layven hissed.  _:She__ is my Choice, and I will not take it back.  I do not regret it!:_

            Rolan drew himself up to his full height, his stature as Grove-born causing him to tower over the other inhabitants of the Field.  _:That__ is your right.  But it is my right and responsibility to see that you do not harm yourself or others by this choice.:_

            For a moment, it seemed as if Layven would actually attack the Grove-born, an unheard-of confrontation.  But then he relaxed and bowed his head.  _:You__ need not fear that,:_ he said.  An edge of resentment still colored his voice, but he turned and walked carefully toward the river, the Companions parting to let him through.

            The circle slowly broke up, Companions wandering away in groups, discussing the events in low Mindvoices.  Rolan stood still and watched Layven stop on the edge of the Field, staring morosely off into space.  He wished he could comfort the young Companion; after all, he was the only other one on the Field who had a hint of what he was going through.  But the things he had said would separate them for some time.  The Grove-born sighed, knowing that there had been no other way to stop Layven's berserk reaction before he hurt someone, but hating the necessity all the same.

            _Duty cares not for our loving or hating.  Duty simply exists to be done._  The echo of a voice from a past life carried both comfort and reprimand.  With one last sigh, Rolan turned away from regarding the other Companion and reached out for his Chosen's mind.  There was yet duty to be done.

*          *          *

            Some small part of Layven's mind knew that Rolan was right and he would have hurt someone if he'd continued acting the way he had been, but he was resolutely ignoring that part.  _:Who__ does he think he is?  I know what I'm doing.  He doesn't have to come barging in and tell me what to do.  You'd think I was a foolish colt.  What does he know, anyway?:_

            Not caring that he was muttering to himself in Mindspeech, he continued ranting at the Grove-born.  _:"__Why?":_ he mimicked.  _:He__ acts like this is something out of the Chronicles to be studied!  "Let's just ask questions and think about this reasonably, and surely we'll all come to the conclusion that I should just forget about her."  Maybe he could do that; he has to go through several __Chosen__, so he probably doesn't really care about them that much.:_  He knew that he was being unreasonable, but he didn't particularly care.  _:He__ has no idea what I'm going through, the idiot!:_

            _:Ahem__.:_  The mental throat-clearing startled Layven and he whipped his head around to see who had snuck up on him.  For an instant, he thought it might be Rolan, and he was torn between fear that the Grove-born had overheard him, and hope that he had.  _It's all true.  Serves him right._

            However, it was not Rolan behind him, but a mare.  It took a moment of squinting into the sun for him to recognize Lerienne, an older Companion who had not yet Chosen.  They weren't close friends, but they knew each other fairly well.

            _:Sounds__ like you could use some company,:_ she commented, stepping up beside him.  _:Someone__ to listen to you, at least, so that you're not talking to yourself.:_

            _:Sounds__ like I need a __Chosen__,:_ he replied bitterly.  He half-expected her to be angry; Companion protocol was very strict on _not_ talking about how wonderful having a Chosen was to those who had never felt their Call, and Leri had shown in the past that her temper was not the longest in the Field.

            But she neither replied nor walked away; on the contrary, she moved closer.  They stood in silence for a moment.

            _:What__ do you want?:_ he asked at last.  Bitterness tinged his Sending; he was still angry with the world.

            She Sent the equivalent of a shrug.  _:I_don't_ want you to be alone.:_

            She continued before he could decide how to respond to that statement.  _:I__ remember a little of my last time around.  My Companion died in childbirth, and I was still alive.  I remember… it was worst when I was alone.:_

            Layven pondered this revelation for a moment, wondering why she'd survived her Companion's death.  But he couldn't ask.  Companions didn't often talk about their past lives, and to pry would be leagues beyond rude.  And she might not even know, either; to be honest, most Companions didn't remember that much about their other times around.  It was easier that way, less potential to get distracted from the task at hand.  But sometimes it could give you insight, to remember something.  And she was right in this case; he had to admit, much as he disliked it, that he did feel better to have someone there.  But it just wasn't the same!

            _:No__, it's not the same,:_ Leri agreed, and Layven winced as he realized that he'd been broadcasting his thoughts.  _:But__ as I said, at least you don't have to talk to yourself this way.  Shall we return to disparaging the Grove-born?:_

            There was a definite overtone of a chuckle in her last sentence, despite the sympathy he felt from her, and Layven had to admit that what he'd been doing was a little absurd.  But he was angry, and he had to be angry with _someone_!

            _:It's__ not really Rolan you're angry with, is it?:_ she inquired in an eerie echo of his own thoughts.

            He didn't want to consider that.  Turning his head away, he swished his tail irritably, ostentatiously ignoring her.

            She didn't buy it.  _:I__ remember, Layven.  I was angry with everyone: with the other Heralds, for having their Companions, with the gods, for taking her away… but the worst was that I even hated _her_, for leaving __me__.__:_

            The wall he'd built up against any negative thoughts about his Chosen burst; words came welling out.  _:How__ could she _do_ this to me?  I've done everything for her, been there for her through everything; how could she just throw me aside like I was worthless?  She's everything to me, Leri; wasn't I the same to her?  Or was this all one-sided?  Did she ever really care?  When I was so happy to be with her, was she always indifferent?:_  And then, the most hateful question of all, _:Was it something I did?  Was I not there for her when she needed me?  What did I do wrong?  It wasn't supposed to turn out this way!  What happened?:_

            Lerienne pressed herself close to him, offering physical support as well as mental as he poured out his anguish.

            _:I__ love her so much, Leri!  I thought she felt the same, but if she feels the way I do, how could she have done this?  She couldn't have cared about me.  I was deluding myself the whole time.:_  Crystalline tears welled up in his deep blue eyes.  _:I__ must have been a bad Companion; otherwise she wouldn't have left.  She would have told me what was wrong and let me help her if I'd really been supportive.  I must have been too short with her, too determined to force her to fit the Valdemaran mold, too lighthearted and joking when she needed me!  But I thought that was what she wanted!  I was trying, Leri, truly I was!  How could she do this to me?  It's killing me, and she doesn't even care!:_

            He was shaking so hard that in some corner of his mind he was surprised he was still on his feet.  Leri just stood close to him, an emotional bulwark.  She didn't try to argue him out of his self-doubt or his doubt of Kira; she merely listened, and extended a slight feeling of comfort and willingness to hear him out, all she had to give.

            It was exactly what he needed.  In her sympathetic ear he poured out all of his heartbreak, his hatred of his Chosen, the gods, himself, and the situation that they'd been forced into.  Even when he no longer had words to express his feelings and was silent, she didn't say anything, and she didn't leave him.  Marks later, when, emotionally spent, he nodded off into an uneasy sleep, she was still there, and she stayed with him through the night.

*          *          *

            Kira awoke to blackness and a strange emptiness.  It took a moment for her to trace the feeling that something was missing, but then memory hit.  _Layven__…_

            She couldn't find words to describe the feeling of having her Companion gone; she only knew that it hurt, just as much as it had when she'd first made the decision to leave.

            _I had to,_ she told herself firmly.  _He would have died if I hadn't!_  But the knowledge didn't stop the anguish welling up inside her.

            Taking a deep breath, she forced her mind away from him.  For all she knew, as _rkuchnentu_, simply thinking about him could sap his life-force, and she had no intention of doing that.  In an attempt to distract herself, she looked around.  Only a few faint lines of light made their way into the room; from their placement, she guessed that they came from a window and a door.  _Where am I?_  Not that it really mattered, but she had to think about something.  The last thing she remembered was wandering, lost, through the streets of the city.  How had she ended up here?

            _:So__, you are awake at last,:_ a voice said in her head.  Kira sat bolt upright.  She knew from the first word that this could not be Layven; not only was the feeling of the mind colder, but compared to her communication with the Companion, this mental voice had almost no mental overtones.  It was simply there, a flat statement that could have been made aloud.

            But who else would be speaking to her mentally?  And why?

            _:I__ am here to help you,:_ the voice told her.  _:I__ brought you here so that your evil could not harm anyone else.:_

            She had to bite back a sob upon hearing another person put into words the guilt she was living with.  _Concentrate on something else,_ she told herself once again.  "Are you a Priest?" she asked aloud, wondering how he expected to keep her evil contained.

            _:I__ am a Mage,:_ the voice replied, rather evasively in her opinion.  As soon as she formed that idea in her mind, a white-hot lance of pain arched through her body.

            _:Children__ do not judge their elders,:_ the Mage chastised her sternly.  _:You__ were taught better than that.:_

            As quickly as the pain had come, it subsided.  Kira straightened, gasping for breath.  The Mage was right, she thought; she had known better than to question an adult.  Had being in Valdemar for so short a time changed her so drastically?  Or was it Valdemar?  _Even with the Clan, my thoughts were –_ she cut off that line of reasoning before more pain could hit her.  Of course her thoughts had to be controlled.  Thoughts led to words and actions, and wrong words and actions had to be punished.  _He makes it easier; he cuts off evil thoughts before they become words._

            Did it matter anymore?  She was cursed, a demon, _rkuchnentu_; what did it matter whether she bothered to be good or not?  Despair swept over her again.  She was lost anyway.  All that remained for her was an eternity of wandering, consuming everything she touched.

            _:Perhaps__ not,:_ the Mage told her.  _:There__ might be a chance…:_

            She looked up in sudden, painful hope, but prevented herself from saying anything.  It was not her place to demand; he would tell her what he meant when the time came.

            To her dismay, she felt his presence withdraw from her mind.  This was not the time, then.  The despair returned.  There might be a way out of this, but she had already killed an innocent woman.  How could she escape?  Her only chance was staying here, where she couldn't hurt anyone else.  Killing again was the last thing she wanted to do.

            Try as she might to concentrate on other things, in the back of her mind Kira couldn't stop wondering what Layven was doing.  Was he looking for her?  Or had he already Chosen someone else?  It was painful to think of him with another person, but it was the only way.  _I love him too much to kill him.  So it has to be this way._  Still, the pain did not subside.

            _Go to sleep_, she ordered herself.  After all, if she was asleep she couldn't risk Layven by thinking about him.  Or could she?  Almost as soon as she closed her eyes, dreams swept up to haunt her.  Some were realistic, fragmented memories of the past; others were far more tantalizing.

            _"A Companion will only Choose someone who is pure in heart," Herald Tamara explained.  "You were Chosen because you are needed."_

:You're … my other half,:_ Layven told her.  _:The missing piece of me I've been waiting for.  I love you.:__

_            "Heralds will always help each other," Herald Wrynne told the class.  "Each of you is part of our Circle.  And between the entire Circle, we can handle just about any problem you come up with!"_

:Your Clan could be wrong, you know.:

            :Companions have powers, special abilities,:_ Layven tried to convince her.  _:I can help you.  If this Mage can keep you from hurting anyone, so can I.  Trust me.  Let me help.:

            Kira awoke, trembling from the desire to return.  _I didn't tell Layven goodbye.  I could just explain what happened, so that he knows to Choose someone else._  She knew the idea was absurd, but her reasonable objections that she'd only hurt him worse were overruled by the passionate longing to see him one more time that suffused her.

            Before she realized what she was doing, she pried the shutters off the window and slipped out.  She was in a forest somewhere.  She climbed the nearest tree.  Sure enough, off in the distance she could see lights.  If that wasn't Haven, at least she could get directions there.  She started toward it.

            She didn't get very far before she felt a chill run over her.  She recognized the renewed presence in her mind; the Mage had returned.  Abruptly the stupidity of her actions came clear, parting the fog of emotion that had prevented her from thinking.  He had brought her there to save others from her evil, and she had thrown away the only safe haven she had.  She dropped to her knees, balancing on the branch, and braced herself for the punitive pain.

            It didn't come immediately.  Only the voice spoke in her head.  _:Trying__ to return?:_  The words were cold and haughty.  _:What__ makes you think that they would take you back, after what you've done?:_

            She hadn't thought about that, either.  Instantly, however, memories of Layven's many declarations of love and support sprang to mind.  He wouldn't refuse to speak to her one last time – would he?

            The Mage replied before she could organize her thoughts into a response, or even decide if she should respond at all.  _:It__ is easy enough to say something like that.   I could show you the opposite.:_

            A figure appeared before her.  Kira squinted at it; it was familiar, but it took her a moment to register what she was seeing.  "Mommy?"  Her voice emerged as a shocked whisper.  Could it truly be her mother's ghost?  She reached out for the woman.

            Her mother stepped back, her mouth twisting with abhorrence.  "_Rkuchnentu_?  What have you done, unclean one?  Demon, you are no daughter of mine!  _Rkuchnentu_!"  Other figures stepped out of the shadows to join her, all shouting the same word.  "_Rkuchnentu_!  _Rkuchnentu_!"  Shandi was there, Herald Kerowyn and Herald Tamara, even Healer Deena joined the chorus.  But when Layven stepped out and looked at her with utter disgust, Kira could bear it no longer.  With a cry, she buried her face in her arms, withering under the attack.

            Suddenly the noise stopped.  She peeked out to see that the group had vanished.  _:Or__ perhaps you were right,:_ the Mage continued coolly, ignoring her sobs.  _:Perhaps__ they would take you back.  What would happen then?:_

            New images swam before her vision.  She shut her eyes tightly, but she could still see them.  Perhaps they were all in her mind, but they seemed so real!  A pox swept the Collegium.  Trainees and Heralds she knew broke out in spots, then weakened until they were confined to their beds.  In the space of a few moments, she saw almost everyone she knew there fall sick.  A stench rose from the building, for there was no one left well enough to tend to the ill or bury the dead.

            The scene changed.  Shandi and a group of her friends were riding along on their Companions, laughing and chattering as usual.  Suddenly, arrows arched out of the surrounding woodlands.  She watched, helpless, as bandits attacked, weapons slicing into the Trainees and Companions.  She could not hide as she saw Shandi's blood covering the forest floor, her bright eyes dimming in death.

            A new vision replaced that one. The Collegium was burning, a roaring inferno taller than the Palace engulfing it.  As she watched, Layven rushed into the building, trying to save her.  He dodged falling timbers, but sparks settled in his mane and coat.  As he slowed to slew around a corner, a wall collapsed over him.  Unbelievable, he pushed his way through the wreckage, but she could see the horrendous burns covering his body.  He looked imploringly at her, but she could not go to him as he died.

            This was far, far worse than the physical pain she had expected.  She pleaded voicelessly with the Mage to stop.  At last, the images disappeared, but the memories still tormented her, eating at her heart.

            _:You__ knew this would happen,:_ he told her softly, but with no pity.  _:You__ are_ rkuchnentu_.  You knew what would happen if you went back, and yet you tried to do it anyway.  You _wanted_ this to happen; if you hadn't, you would have stayed with me, where you wouldn't hurt anyone.  You wanted it.:_

            Kira collapsed under the words.  They had to be true.  She had known she was _rkuchnentu_, had known what her evil would do, and yet she had still tried to go back to Haven.  She didn't care if people died, as long as she could be happy for a time.  Somewhere deep inside, she had even wanted their deaths.  The Clan was right to declare her _rkuchnentu_; she was completely evil.

            The Mage tried to say something, but she ignored him.  She didn't care if he punished her.  At the moment, she would welcome pain.  She deserved it.

            _I wish I could die._  But she couldn't; she was _rkuchnentu_, doomed to wander the earth forever.  There was no escape for her, not even in death.  She was trapped in this world.  She writhed at the light that touched her.  She was unclean, and she was contaminating even the forest around her.  All she wanted right now was a place to hide.

            _:Come__ with __me.__:_  His voice was almost compassionate.  _:I__ will give you a place to hide.:_

-           -           -

**A/N:**  I meant to get this chapter up over the weekend, but I went to the library.  Of course, all my writing time therefore turned into reading time.  But I did finish this chapter for you all, despite the temptation.  It was emotionally draining to write, too.  I hope you enjoyed it – and if you have any suggestions on how I can make it more expressive or just better, please tell me!

Reviewer Responses:

Queen's Own:  Thanks for pointing out that I hadn't mentioned the lifebond!  How foolish of me!  Well, now it's here.

Dephanie:  I almost had Layven go off and pound the Clan into gloop, or at least daydream about it, but he insisted on being angsty.  Oh, well, maybe later.  And yes, there's probably a bit of personal experience here *wry little smile*.  Bet you recognized it in this chapter, too.  I hope to start posting a chapter a week – please keep nagging!

oceanmate:  Did this help?  Probably not; I expect you want another chapter immediately.  It takes at least five chapters to start getting through all these problems, so don't expect resolution too soon!

badgerwolf:  I'm glad I wrote that well enough that you identified with Kira.  Is this one convincing and believable?

PrettyKittyOreo:  It's OK; I'm greedy too.  And I tried to get this one up quickly.  As I've said many times before, I try to write, but I forget unless I'm nagged, so thanks for the request!

wizard116:  Thanks!  Here you go!  I hope the upward trend continued.

Neko-Li:  Wow, thank you for the compliment!  And please do hound me if I stop posting.  You have my permission.


	9. A Desperate Search

**Disclaimer:**  Not mine, none of it.  Mercedes Lackey owns it all.

**A/N:**  You might have noticed that I raised the rating of this story to PG-13.  I read some stuff on what the rating system means and decided that this story fit the PG-13 criteria better than PG.  Hope that doesn't bother anyone.

-           -           -

**Chapter 9: A Desperate Search**

            Selenay watched with concern as the Queen's Own walked to her seat in the Council Chamber.

            "Anything?" she murmured under the cover of her Councilors' verbal bickering.  She didn't really need Talia's headshake to tell her that there had been no success in the search for the missing Trainee.

            "Not a trace."  Talia's face and posture were calm, but her voice, though she kept it low, displayed her anguish.  "We've got practically every Herald in Haven looking for her, either with their Gifts or physically, but there's not a sign of her.  She's been gone since last night!  I don't know – this has never happened before – what else can we do?  I –"

            The Queen gently touched her younger friend's hands, which were twisting anxiously in her lap, and the Herald abruptly shut up.

            "I should excuse you and let you get some rest," Selenay suggested, noting the dark circles under her eyes that showed the effects of using her Empathic Gift all night without sleep.

            Talia shook her head.  "You know you can't do that, or the Council will wonder what's going on.  We can't let it be known that one of our Trainees just disappeared and we have no idea what happened!"

            Selenay sighed.  "You're right, but … Just don't work yourself to death, OK?"

            "If I'd done a little more work last week, I'd have already talked to her and we wouldn't be having this problem."

            "Talia –" The Queen cut off her response as the Council grew quiet in one of those random silences that occur periodically.  Instead, she used the opportunity to open the meeting, praying as she did so that Kira would be found soon.

*          *          *

            Talia hoped that nothing too important had happened at that Council meeting, because she had been completely unable to concentrate.  Her mind kept going in circles, trying to figure out what else they could do to locate the Trainee.  Her lack of sleep made it impossible for her to pay attention to the Council at the same time.  She had the impression that no duels had broken out, which was a good sign, but beyond that, she had no idea what had transpired.

            She was still lost in thought when the meeting ended, as she proved by walking straight into Dirk as she exited the room.

            "Careful, little bird!" he exclaimed as he caught her.  He had to bend down slightly to peer into her face.  "You look awful, Talia."

            "I'm fine," she claimed unconvincingly, shaking her head in an attempt to clear it.  It didn't do much good.

            "No, you're not," he told her firmly.  "You need some rest, or you'll collapse on us."

            Talia wanted to protest, but she knew he was right.  "Just one more try?" she suggested instead.

            Her lifebonded looked like he wanted to protest, but he agreed.  "Only one," he said firmly.  "Then you will take a break and let the others handle the search."

            She sighed.  "I feel like it's my fault," she confessed softly.  "The Companions warned us she would need me.  If I had taken the time to talk to her sooner, this never would have happened."

            "You don't know that," Dirk insisted.  "No one can say what would have happened.  You can't do everything, Talia."

            She mustered up a grin from somewhere.  "But I'm a Herald – that means I try.  You know we're all crazy and self-sacrificing enough to be lining up to die for our country."

            Dirk managed to look affronted.  "You aren't including me in that category, are you?"

            She looked him up and down, mock-serious.  "You're wearing an 'Oh-shoot-me-now' white uniform, and I know I've seen you with a big white horse in the past.  Yep, you're included."

            "I'll have you know that I am a perfectly well-balanced –" She poked him, cutting off his speech.  Then she wondered what had come over her, to be joking at a time like this.  _I must be so tired that I can't think straight.  No surprise there._  But she had more energy than she had just had during the Council…  _Well, we are lifebonded; I guess it shouldn't surprise me that just being close to him helps._  Since Fetching was of no use in their search, he'd been looking physically through Haven that night.  He was tired, for he hadn't slept any more than she had, but riding was not nearly as exhausting as using a Gift.

            And speaking of using Gifts… "Well, if I only get one more try, I'd better do it now," she announced, stepping away from him.

            He took her arm.  "You're not going off alone, lady; I know only too well that if I let you, you would just keep going till you keeled over from exhaustion.  You're not going to be able to help her when we find her if you wear yourself out now."

            "You have a point."  She allowed him to lead her away, hoping desperately that they would find Kira in time for her Gifts to be of help.

*          *          *

            Resk blinked as he slowly came out of his trance.  He looked over at Jaren; his friend was still hunched over his bowl of water, scanning the countryside for any sign of the missing Trainee.  He wondered how much longer the young Herald-Mage could go on; he had just barely passed his Master trial, after all.

            For a moment Resk felt again the faint twinge of jealousy he'd had when he first realized that Jaren had mage powers.  After all, in this case Jaren could scry just as easily as Resk could FarSee; what was the point to being Gifted, anyway, when the mages could handle so much more?  But he shook off the feeling; Jaren was his friend, after all.

            _:And__ you can do things that he can't,:_ his Companion reminded him.  _:We__ need all our Heralds and their Gifts; we couldn't do everything we need to with just Herald-Mages.:_

            Resk sighed; he and Nandia had this conversation fairly often, it seemed.  _:I__ need a break,:_ he told her instead of continuing it.  There was only so much scanning the countryside for any sign of a small black-haired girl in Grays that he could take before going stir-crazy.  He stood up and moved quietly out of the room, careful not to disturb Jaren.

            Out in the corridor, he glanced both ways.  Down the hall to his left he could just see a statue; he decided to walk to it and back before returning to his work.  Striding briskly ahead, he was startled enough to jump out of his skin when a hand caught his arm.

*          *          *

            Dirk watched his love with a hint of concern.  She'd been in trance for several minutes now, giving him plenty of time to see exactly how tired she looked.  She wasn't about to collapse, the way she had been when she led him to Herald Ylsa's body all those years ago, but she was clearly beginning to push her reserves of strength.  He resolved to carry her to the Healers and have them force her to sleep if she didn't agree immediately upon exiting the trance.  He knew that she would be needed to help the girl when they found her, and he did not want her working her way into exhaustion.

            _The way our luck is going, Kira would be found just as she collapses.  That would be a wonderful addition to this event._

            _:Talking__ to yourself again?:_ Ahrodie asked with a provoking mental chuckle.  _:Now__ why would you do a thing like that when you have _me_ around?:_

            Her Chosen had no opportunity to reply.  Talia reached out to him.  "Dirk."

            "What is it?" he demanded, grabbing her hand.

            "I can sense her – but I don't know where she is!"  He could hear the strain in her voice and knew that she was afraid that she would lose the girl again without ever knowing where she was.

            _If only Kris were here…_  He shook himself.  This was no time to be thinking about the past; he had to act now!

            Looking around frantically for inspiration, he saw someone walk by the half-open door.  Without thinking about it, he jumped up and grabbed the Herald's arm.

            The young man almost jumped out of his skin, but he relaxed when he saw Dirk's Whites.  "What –" he started to ask.

            _:His__ name's Resk, and yes, he is a FarSeer,:_ Ahrodie told him.

            "Resk, Talia's located the missing Trainee.  Link with her and find out where she is!"  When the boy just blinked at him – possibly not understanding his hurried speech – Dirk forcibly propelled him into the room and over to the table.

            After a moment, the Herald started moving by his own volition; either he'd figured out what Dirk had said or his Companion had explained it to him.  Dropping into Dirk's chair, he grasped Talia's hand and closed his eyes.

            It seemed to Dirk, waiting impatiently next to them, that the trance lasted forever.  At long last, the two stirred, separating their hands and opening their eyes.  Resk looked exhausted, but Dirk was more concerned with his mate.

            However, Talia looked relieved, actually smiling at him.  "We found her.  The shields just went back up, but Resk pulled his friend Jaren into the link.  He will be able to find that place again, won't he?" she asked the young man with a new hint of concern.

            "He says so," Resk said tiredly.  "He's a Herald-Mage; he says he did something so he can find it again.  It's somewhere to the north; not too far away."

            "What's happening to her?" Dirk asked, but Talia only shook her head.

            "I don't know.  All we saw was her in a patch of woods; then the shields went back up.  I don't know what's going on."

            "But now we know where she is," Dirk reminded her.  "Now we can find her.  We'll figure the rest out later."

            "Yes," Talia agreed.  "Let's go bring her back."

*          *          *

            The man in black looked up from his scrying bowl and cursed.  He had been foolish to pay so little attention to the girl; she had wandered out from under the shields he kept over his house, and those Heralds had located her.  He hadn't intended for them to find her so soon, but if he moved her, they would surely be able to track him down.  If he left her, she would be enough of a distraction that they wouldn't find him, but he wouldn't have the time he needed to work with her – or would he?  His eyes narrowed in thought.

            After a moment, he reached out to the sleeping girl's mind.  He'd laid the foundation earlier, with his manipulations.  He'd been a bit surprised that she responded so easily; he'd have expected a Herald, even a Heraldic Trainee, to be more difficult.  However, this one had clearly been through more trauma than she could bear, as she had so helpfully broadcasted to any sensitive within range.  He thanked the gods once again for placing her in his path; such a tool as a traumatized Heraldic Trainee was incredibly valuable.  But then, he knew he had the gods' support; this was just another proof of it.  The gods always supported the right.

            He touched her mind once again, noting with pleasure her total belief that she would kill anyone she came in contact with.  He started to whisper to her; it was below the level of real Mindspeech, but she would hear it subconsciously and take it in.  _You are cursed; you will kill them.  I am the only way out.  You must turn to me.  No one but I can help you.  Trust only me…_

            It took time and effort for the whisper to be firmly planted in her mind, but it was well worth it.  As he came out of his trance, he looked around for anything that could be used to trace him.  It didn't take long to gather his things; he kept very little in any of his homes, for this very reason.  He didn't want those White abominations finding him, after all.  They would not like what he planned to do, not at all.  But now, they wouldn't be able to stop him.

            _Take your Trainee back; I will let you have her.  But there will be a price to pay – a high one.  And I will come out the winner of this little trade._

            After all, the gods supported the rightful Heir.

*          *          *

            _Rain.__  Why does it have to be rain?_  Talia pushed her wet hair out of her eyes yet again.  It had begun to pour almost as soon as they had left the Palace grounds.  She continued to grumble mentally at the weather, knowing that she was only trying to distract herself, and that it wasn't working too well.  She couldn't stop worrying about the condition Kira was in.  The girl's emotions had been thick with pain and guilt, and a self-hatred that was only a short step from suicide.  And what was happening to her behind those shields?

            Since she couldn't do anything about it at the moment, she forced herself to stop the negative thought cycles before they could set in.  Glancing back, she saw that Resk was nodding off in the saddle.  Jaren, next to him, looked much better, though, and she could tell that he was keeping an eye on his friend.  Resk's FarSight wasn't that strong, and she wished that he had stayed and rested, but he had insisted on coming along.  She was glad someone was watching out for him.

            "And how are you doing?" Dirk asked in her ear.  She smiled wearily at him, not surprised that he had guessed where her thoughts were.

            "Less tired, actually.  Knowing where she is – it gave me an energy boost.  Now I'm simply worried."

            He gently touched her shoulder, where she still bore a hand-shaped scar as a souvenir from her imprisonment by Ancar.  "That's no surprise.  If you weren't worried, I'd be shocked."

            She relaxed slightly; talking to Dirk about her concerns always helped.  "It's just – it's hard to think of anything other than another Ancar, under these circumstances."

            "Someone kidnaps a Heraldic Trainee and keeps her locked behind shields?"  He raised an eyebrow.  "You're right; it is difficult to think of any benign reason for this.'

            "Of course, we don't know that she's been kidnapped," Talia responded, taking the position of devil's advocate without believing a word she said.  "The shields are not necessarily there to prevent us from finding her.  After all, she was extremely upset when she left; if someone found her in that condition, he might have tried to help…"

            "By taking her to his heavily-shielded home and not notifying the Collegium?" Dirk finished.  "I suppose it is remotely possible."

            "But not at all likely."  She closed her eyes.  "Can you think of a better argument?"

            He shook his head.  "I think we're left with no other believable reason."

            "An evil mage."  The fear knotted in the pit of her stomach began to grow.  "And we're riding directly toward him."

            Dirk tightened his grip on her shoulder.  "Talia.  Look around."  She obeyed.  "Look how many Herald-Mages we have now.  We're lucky Elspeth and Darkwind are here for a visit.  They could probably handle whoever-this-is on their own, and look at all of the support they have now."

            The fear receded slightly, and she relaxed a bit again.  "You're right; I'm overreacting."

            "Like I said, it's completely understandable.  I bet –"

            He was cut off by her gasp.  She looked frantically around.  "Elspeth – the shields just went down.  I can sense her again."

            "Right."  Elspeth and Darkwind shut their eyes, presumably to see if they could locate whoever had created the shields – or something.  Talia didn't know exactly what they were doing, but she was confident that they did.

            Resk rode up beside her on the other side, reaching out to her.  "Herald Talia, guide me; I'll FarSee there to find out what's going on."

            "Are you sure?" she couldn't help asking, seeing that he was still tired from his last use of his Gift.

            "Nandia will help me if I need it," he said impatiently.  "Come on!"

            With a nod of acquiescence, she linked with him and drew them toward the pain-guilt-hatred-fear that Kira was attempting to suppress.  With some concern, Talia noted that the girl's control was improving; the emotions were just as powerful, but she was succeeding in burying them to some extent.  That was not healthy; she couldn't simply hide the emotions and expect them to go away.  It would only make things worse.  However, for the moment she was mostly relieved that the girl was still alive.

            Through Resk's FarSight, she caught glimpses of the area.  The images weren't too clear – whether because of her secondhand link or the younger Herald's exhaustion, she wasn't sure – but it was obvious that there was no other person in the building.  Neither his FarSight nor her Empathy turned up any trace of another inhabitant, although they widened their range as much as they could.  When Talia felt Resk's control beginning to slip, she brought them back to the group without any idea of who had brought Kira to that house.

            Talia opened her eyes just in time to see Elspeth open hers and curse.

            "Well, at least he's not waiting in ambush to attack us," Darkwind commented.

            "Yes, but we have no idea who or where he is – we don't even know if this mage is a 'he' at all!" Elspeth fumed.   "And it will come up again, you know it will!"

            "I take it you didn't find him," Dirk cut in.

            "Not a trace," Darkwind admitted.  "Whoever this mage is, he is good at hiding his tracks."

            Talia urged Rolan into a faster gait.  "Then let's get to Kira while we have the chance."  She concentrated solely on the Trainee's emotional turmoil until they arrived at the building, ignoring the future possibility of trouble with this mage for the problem at hand.

            Leaving the others behind, Talia followed her sense to the house.  Slipping from Rolan's back, she ran inside, feeling an almost physical pull toward the child.  It pulled her to a halt in the middle of a room; it took her a moment to realize that there was a trapdoor under her feet.

            She dropped into a nightmare.  It was only a hole in the ground, slippery clay soil making up the sides and bottom of the pit.  The area was too small for even Talia, slight as she was, to stand upright.

            Kira was huddled in a corner, arms clasped around her knees, rocking slightly back and forth.  She was filthy, her uniform stained and rumpled and earth matted in her long black hair.  The negative emotion pouring off of her forced Talia to strengthen her shields in order to think at all.

            The girl seemed completely unconscious of Talia's presence.  "Kira."  She projected love and support toward the Trainee.  "We found you.  You're safe now."

            The child's reaction shocked her.  She stiffened, staring up at Talia for the first time, exuding terror and guilt in almost physical waves.

            "NO!"  It was meant to be a scream, but came out as nothing more than a breathless whisper.  Kira lurched to her feet, pressing herself back against the side of the pit.  "No, please, you can't!  Leave me alone!"  She turned and began clawing at the earth behind her.  "Let me go!"

            Talia stood motionless for a moment, frozen by the Trainee's hysterical fear of Heralds, her absolute terror at the idea of returning to the Collegium.  Before she could gather her wits enough to respond, Kira collapsed.  Stepping over to her, Talia realized that she had fainted.  _Probably hasn't eaten in a while, on top of all that emotional turmoil,_ some distant part of her mind thought dimly as she lifted the girl.

            The others had apparently caught up; Dirk poked his head down the trapdoor.  "What happened?"

            "I have no idea."  Her voice shook.  "Let's get her back."  They had a lot of work to do, to help this poor child, and she wasn't even sure where to begin.

-           -           -

**A/N:**  Well, I got this chapter out within a week of the last one, just like I promised.  I'm sorry it's a little shorter, but that was where it was supposed to stop.  What did you think of my portrayal of the canon character?  I thought that some of them were a little out of character; do you agree?  Any suggestions on how I can fix that?  Or anything else, for that matter.  I like constructive criticism!

**Reviewer Responses:**

Hawk:  Well, I hope this was quick enough that you didn't totally go insane.  Of course, a little craziness is a good thing…

PrettyKittyOreo:  "*cries*"?  Really?  I guess that means I made those emotions convincing, then.  Yay!  I had some trouble.  I'm afraid this chapter doesn't get her through it, though.  That'll start in the next two chapters.  Sorry to keep you waiting.

Dephanie:  Yeah, sometimes I want to gloop Kira too.  She can be frustrating at times.  Here's a bit more about the Mage – nothing to answer your questions, yet, but maybe it'll raise a few more.  I'm still working on him, anyway.

badgerwolf:  In this chapter, you get to see that everyone was mobilizing – I hope.  Thanks for the input!  I kind of left the last chapter just talking about Kira and Layven's responses; this one is everyone else's.  What do you think?  How'd I do?

oceanmate:  Thanks for the nagging and the wonderful support!  Yeah, Layven is acting like a teenager; he basically is, for a Companion.  Just barely old enough to Choose.  Besides, I got kind of sick of his "perfect all-knowing all-loving" Companion-ness, so I decided to show a little of the other side of him.  I'm glad you thought Kira's despair was well-written.  Thanks again!

wizard116:  Thanks for the compliment.  However, since Van is hanging out in Bermuda – er – the Havens at the moment after being stuck in a forest for years, even though I'm playing with tons of Misty's other characters, I'm going to let him enjoy his rest.  Just wait; Kira's going to kick some serious Mage butt at a later point!  (At least, I think that's where this is going…)

Neko-Li:  Yay for long reviews!  Thank you!  I really appreciate hearing that the emotions and actions are well-written and believable; I worked hard on that.  Seeing Kira's head being messed with isn't exactly enjoyable, I agree, but trying to write it convincingly is a challenge I definitely enjoy.  I'm glad I did a decent job.  And you'll have to wait a bit for Kira to deal with the Mage – I'm putting it off for a while :).  Wait and see.  But no, Lerienne isn't from Misty's series.  She's mine, all mine!  Mwauhaha– er, sorry.  No, I just made her up because Layven needed someone to talk to.  But she wants to come back in later, so you may see more of her.


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